Here is my "drive by his house" story

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2005
Here is my "drive by his house" story
3
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 2:28pm
I was reading all of the posts about driving by the MM's house. I have done this too. My ex-MM lives on a corner block, so he has a street that runs in front of his house and a street beside his house. His back yard has a privacy fence, but no gate. So if you want to see in the back yard you have to drive down the side street to see back there. I usually never drive to see what is in the back yard because he never parks in the back and there is nothing back there to see. One day last year I drove by and he was not at home. Something kept telling me to drive by and look in the back yard. I drove down the side street and looked in the back yard and there he was with a woman that I had never seen before. Her car was also parked back there. His car was nowhere around. He was leaning on her car and she was standing beside him and they were talking. That told me very quickly that she had picked him up from work in her car for lunch(because this was on a workday around lunchtime) and they parked in his back yard because he was hiding something. When I drove by and he saw me he waved and was friendly, but I felt like a total idiot. I started crying hysterically because he was with this woman that I had never seen before. He was also divorced so he had no reason to get this woman to park in the back. He had no wife to hide from, but yet it was obvious that he was hiding something because I knew his routine. He never parked in the back yard. He always parks in the front, plus they were in her car, not his. He always wants to be the one to drive when he is with a woman, so being in her car also told me that he was hiding something. I couldn't imagine what he would be hiding from because he was divorced and he dates openly. I thought maybe he had a new girlfriend and didn't want me to know it, so he hid her in the back and took her car instead of his own. I made myself sick trying to figure this out. I just recently discovered what I think that he was up to. He was already dating another woman at the time. I think that he was in the process of getting a new girlfriend but he didn't want the current one to know. I realized that he had no reason to hide from me. I was still married and I knew that he dated so he wouldn't have been hiding from me. I think he was trying to make sure that he had this new girlfriend " in his pocket" before he dumped the old one. He is currently dating the same woman that I saw him in the backyard with that day and he has dumped the previous girlfriend. I have since never seen him in the backyard again. He is parking in the front like he always did. Now that he has dumped the previous girlfriend and has the new one, he has no reason to hide in the back yard. I figure that it is just a matter of time before he does the same thing to this girlfriend. He has told me on several occasions that he has no intent to marry her and that he is still looking for the right woman. He also does not live with his girlfriend and says he never intends to. This is why I said in a previous post that I can see how selfish he has become since his divorce. He is looking out for himaelf and getting his needs met and he is constantly looking to upgrade to someone new. He isn't the same person that I fell in love with, yet I still love him. That is why this is so crazy. I am still thinking of the person that he was before. Anyway, that driveby embarrassed me totally. I hope that I never do that again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004

I think there are more of us that have done the same thing, myself included. I used to do drive-bys when I knew he had the day off and hadn't heard from him yet. When I started wondering why wasn't he on the computer if he had the day off, who was he with, what was he doing..the senerios that went through my head were endless.

I did, however, think what if he's there and see's me driving by. First, he'll know I was checking up on him, and second, I'd look like a lunatic and a stalker! He's even asked me a few times "do a drive by today?" because he knows its something I would do to put my mind at rest. He's admitted he's driven places where I was supposed to be to see if I was telling the truth. I'd also do the same as you, check the back yard, or a different street to see if he's moved his car to make it look like he wasn't home. My mind was a dangerous thing when nothing but doubt fills it.

I think many of us have done some nutty things, I'm glad I haven't been caught at it yet, but he knows me well enough to know I wouldn't hestitate to check up on him when my mind starts dreaming up all the stuff he could be doing when I don't know where he is.

And checking up on someone is not how I choose to spend the rest of my life. Since it's been over, I don't think "where the hell is he and why hasn't he called yet!!??" when he has a day off. It has been one of the benefits that came from ending the A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005

My XMM and I live in different states, but his dad lives in my state. I have driven past his dad's house. Does that count? I met his dad once over 20 years ago. I probably wouldn't recognize him today. I looked up his name and address in the phone book.

Dallas

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000

Razor:

Just a question for you....if that was the only "drive-by" that you've done, and you hope that you never do it again, then how would you know if he hasn't parked in the back again, and that he's parking in front? Obviously, you HAVE driven by his house. That's completely your business, but I think part of the healing process for all of us is to get honest with ourselves.

Just some food for thought.

Silly