Here we go again.....update

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Here we go again.....update
11
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 9:03am
So I ended up calling AP last week about something. I had texted him and of course he never replied. While we were on the phone, he brought up the text and told me not to do that anymore because W could have found it. He started talking about the A, and I cut him off and told him I didn't want to talk about it. That's what he always says to me so I gave it right back to him. Told him EXACTLY what I wanted (just sex) and left it at that. I KNOW he wants the same thing. I guess I'm just venting.....I'd just like some encouraging words today ladies.....this is just SO hard!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 1:02pm

Dear Jilly -


I haven't been able to post much lately, but I read when I can and I was wondering if you could clear something up for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 2:00pm
Yes....the last phone call we had I told him I just wanted sex. (That's all it ever was...PA)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 5:17pm

Jilly -


I was surprised that nobody had responded to your post, but then I signed on and noticed that E1 had bumped up old posts about NC and the purpose of EAS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 6:18pm
Honestly, I don't know WHAT board I belong on. I started on the MAS board because I wanted to know what people thought of my AP's behavior, then he said he didn't want the A anymore so I moved to AAS. He doesn't contact me (never has really) so I'm trying NOT to contact him and someone on the other board suggested this one. I don't know....maybe I should just figure it all out myself?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 6:57pm

Hi Jilly,


In your initial post you wrote: <<I had texted him and of course he never replied. While we were on the phone, he brought up the text and told me not to do that anymore because W could have found it. He started talking about the A, and I cut him off and told him I didn't want to talk about it. That's what he always says to me so I gave it right back to him. Told him EXACTLY what I wanted (just sex) and left it at that. I KNOW he wants the same thing.>>


So not only are you texting him, you are also talking to him on the phone. Then you go on to tell him, you want "just sex". I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer but I caught all that. That is not ending an A. I've been around a while and have read some interesting approaches but this doesn't qualify as one of them. He may have ended the A but you so far are trying to continue it.


Then in your reply to BD, you

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 7:25pm

Jilly,


I don't know that I have any room to criticize here but this isn't appropriate for this board. There are a lot of people on this board trying to maintain NC and hearing about casual breaks in NC and arranging

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 8:32pm

Hi

Just wanted to say that if you are anything like me... the JUST SEX thing just does not work. Especially if I grew to care for the person. Just be very careful on what you wish for as you might just get it and you will be the one getting hurt in the end. I read in one of your replies that there are many ppl to have sexual relations with so why not take that approach. Meet new ppl. You see.. we had a great connection level in the intimate dept and I can and will tell you that "just sex" does not cut it. I have traveled down that road and I always seem to beat myself up afterward. The "feel good" factor last for the few hours than it is back to reality. You really have to decide for yourself if that is good enough for you. If so.. I cant really tell you anymore. If you realize that you feel you deserve more than once again as you have been advised the only way to move fwd.. is NC... as hard as it may be.. and IT IS!!! A friend of mine whom I can trust to talk to.. she had mentioned to me... I know you are hurting.. but just think about it... you are feel so much worst when you are in contact with him.. So it is one of those doomed if you do..or doomed if you don't. At least I can say and hope to think there will be a light at the end of the NC path! It is too immature right now in my case but if I hang in there i will find out soon enough.

Good luck and really think about what you want.. what you want is not necessary what you need :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 10:07am

Jilly,


You are not being honest with yourself.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 11:17am

Hi Jilly,

I just wanted to let you know that you deserve so much better than a man who doesn't respond to your texts and phone calls. You mentioned that he wants to end the affair. Please end it and go NC for your sake. He doesn't seem to respect you and unfortunately if you call/text after he has told you not to he will respect you even less.

Please realize that you do deserve to be treated better. I didn't notice if you said you are married?

I hope today is going better. Take care

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 12:35pm
Thank you ladies for all your advice. Part of me wants to end it because it will never be anything substantial.....part of me doesn't because, yes, I have feelings for him. (just being honest) I'm going back to MAS until I'm NC for a month (I figured that's a good start) then I'll update over here. Yes, I am losing my diginity and self-worth and that's something I never wanted to do. And yes, I am married too....

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