Here's How To Get Out NOW!
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| Mon, 01-24-2005 - 4:38pm |
It's sooooooo hard for me to read messages (I used to post them too!) about HOW to get out of an affair. "How do I leave him?" "How do I keep NC?" "How do I get over him?" "How do I stop loving him?"
NEWS FLASH! We cannot get to the HOW until we process the WHY.
For two years, I tried all the hows (didn't read his emails, turned off IM, didn't answer his cell phone calls, didn't call him, etc., etc.) and it didn't work. It wasn't until someone else showed me the light and started helping me to process the WHYs (lack of self esteem, fear of being alone, etc.) that the HOWs started falling into place.
I encourage you to start working out the WHYs through discussions on this board. Then the HOWs will start coming more easily...
What is your WHY?
Peace.

For me, the A was due to a nearly two decade marriage that I stayed in "for the kids". I realize NOW it ate away at my self esteem. Along comes this man, knows the marriage is bad and says and does ALL the things I needed to hear. It was and is a hard, hard lesson and have just posted on the result of the A and his disappearing.
I do wonder if well balanced, honestly confident women get involved in this type of relationship.
It's a hard hard lesson, isn't it?
Great question, hurting!
My "why" was a sense of abandonment I have been carrying around as well as a tendency to be selfish.
I have been so loved starved for so long, that when he showed me a little bit of what I believed to be genuine interest (ex: anything other than immediately trying to get in my pants) I was hooked. My selfish tendencies allowed me to completely disregard his wife and go ahead with this affair.
I'm now out (two weeks out) and I already feel lighter and better.
I miss him, but I am so much better off now. The crying has all but stopped and I WILL get past this!!!
So will all of you!!!!!!
"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t