Here's How To Get Out NOW!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2005
Here's How To Get Out NOW!
3
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 4:38pm

It's sooooooo hard for me to read messages (I used to post them too!) about HOW to get out of an affair. "How do I leave him?" "How do I keep NC?" "How do I get over him?" "How do I stop loving him?"

NEWS FLASH! We cannot get to the HOW until we process the WHY.

For two years, I tried all the hows (didn't read his emails, turned off IM, didn't answer his cell phone calls, didn't call him, etc., etc.) and it didn't work. It wasn't until someone else showed me the light and started helping me to process the WHYs (lack of self esteem, fear of being alone, etc.) that the HOWs started falling into place.

I encourage you to start working out the WHYs through discussions on this board. Then the HOWs will start coming more easily...

What is your WHY?

Peace.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 6:25pm
I think my why is because I am so comfortable with him, I am so insecure about my body my weight and my fear of rejections I stay with this man that REJECTS me several times a day....hello. I am so insecure I rather stay in this mess than chance meeting a nice guy. I know MY WHY'S are because of MY insecurities with myself, why doesnt he love me what is wrong with me. I need to accept HE is the one with the problem not me. Easier said than done!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2005
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 6:38pm

For me, the A was due to a nearly two decade marriage that I stayed in "for the kids". I realize NOW it ate away at my self esteem. Along comes this man, knows the marriage is bad and says and does ALL the things I needed to hear. It was and is a hard, hard lesson and have just posted on the result of the A and his disappearing.

I do wonder if well balanced, honestly confident women get involved in this type of relationship.

It's a hard hard lesson, isn't it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 7:17pm

Great question, hurting!

My "why" was a sense of abandonment I have been carrying around as well as a tendency to be selfish.

I have been so loved starved for so long, that when he showed me a little bit of what I believed to be genuine interest (ex: anything other than immediately trying to get in my pants) I was hooked. My selfish tendencies allowed me to completely disregard his wife and go ahead with this affair.

I'm now out (two weeks out) and I already feel lighter and better.

I miss him, but I am so much better off now. The crying has all but stopped and I WILL get past this!!!

So will all of you!!!!!!

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t