He's always on my mind

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
He's always on my mind
5
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 7:22am
Hello everyone.

I guess after reading all the posts I never realized just how many people really do have affairs.

I never thought my name would be added to that list. I have been married to a wonderful man for 20 yrs, we have no problems in our marraige so there wasn't a reason for me to cheat, other than mid life crisis. It felt so good to know that another man desired you.

Our affair lasted for 5 months. It was wonderful, filled with so much passion. I could see all that passion in his eyes. I guess it got to be too much for him so he ended it.

He said he wanted us to remain friends because he felt like he could talk to me about anything. We work together, so no contact was out of the question.

The first few weeks were odd, but we managed to keep it on a professional level.

Then after that things started to change. The passion is back in his eyes, he has started talking to me more and flirting more and making little comments about things only he and I know.

The other day I asked him if I am seeing that look in his eyes again and he said "yes, sometimes you do."

Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. Seems like he is the first thought on my mind when I get up and the last thought on my mind when I go to bed.

I am afraid that we are both going to be weak and start this affair again.

I wish I could stop thinking about this man so much.

Why does it have so much power over you???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 12:30pm

"Why does it have so much power over you??? "


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 6:28am
Thank you for your reply.

My husband does find me attractive. We have no problems in our marraige, we

communicate very well and have a wonderful sex life.

My XMM told me that he thinks something is missing in my marraige and I don't know

what that is. He knows my husband and says that he is a good man.

He also said that there is something missing in his marraige. He loves his wife and we

never intended to leave our spouses.

We don't see each other on a daily basis, just 1 or 2 times a week. He is in

law enforcement and works at my office as a side job.

2 other people know of our affair. One of those is another officer that works at the office. He said that he has seen it coming for quite a while. He could tell that my XMM was attracted to me. He also believes that we are both in denial about our feelings for each other. We both agreed from the beginning that we would keep it physical and not

get emotional. I somehow thought that was possible at the time. I don't think I am in love with XMM, nor him with I. I think it is lust, and we are both adults and should be able to recognize it. I was hurt when he ended it with me, but did not let him know, I told him that I could still be his friend when he asked.

I am just very confused right now with the mixed signals I am getting from him.

I hate to admit it but I would be with him again. He is just so irresistable when he looks at me that certain way.

Even though I know it is so wrong, I find myself looking forward to the days that he is working at the office, and so sad on the days that he is not, wondering if he is thinking of me, like I am thinking of him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 8:14pm

If things are so good with you and hubby, then why on earth did the boredom of your marriage give you the spark to jump xMM? And if communication is good, then why aren't you and hubby working together to keep things hot and juicy?


If you really need sexual variety, perhaps having an above board discussion with hubby about that lifestyle may lead to you both being with other non-loved sexual partners and not fretting over being discovered. The one thing I found to be tremendously stressful was keeping all the lies and secrets in place so my xW didn't find out. Perhaps taking the stress of lying out of the equation will change the dynamic significantly with you and hubby......


In the meantime, take a break from the exhiliration of your affair and see the rest of your world changing as it is......


cl-nre

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 9:45pm
HI Tempted

Not every affair starts because of short comeings in the marriage as is so popular, sometimes the issues that allow it to happen are in US and the affair is a attempt to self medicate the problem in us, it fails in time and more often then not painfully so.

What keeps us in the affair is frequently 9/10ths in are head and has nothing to do with the AP OR DH, that is part of the reason affair based relationships have such a high failure rate, that 24/7 time with the AP destroys the fantasy we have created concerning them and us, leaving the truth of two people with issues that need to be worked on, plus you lose the thrills of the secret get togathers and the anticipation of it all.

You want to kill a affair dead expose it to the light of day.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Sat, 04-17-2004 - 12:49am
It's so funny because I am going through a similar situation. I am also seeing this guy at work. He would come to my department and flirt with me and we would go back in this room and kiss and he would make me feel so good, but unfortunatley he is married as well with children and he can't give me all of his time. He is always on my mind too. I thought at one point he wanted to end our affair because I felt like he was dodging me at work and would not return his pages. I knew that his mother was terminally ill and he had been cancelling our plans to go out there but I did not know that his mother was sick I assumed it was a one night stand after he told me it was not but then he explained it to me that he was with his mom so that made me feel good because he confided in me. He makes me feel so good when I am with him and ever song I hear a song on the radio I think of him, but one day I feel it will end but I hope not.