He's always on my mind
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| Sun, 04-11-2004 - 7:22am |
I guess after reading all the posts I never realized just how many people really do have affairs.
I never thought my name would be added to that list. I have been married to a wonderful man for 20 yrs, we have no problems in our marraige so there wasn't a reason for me to cheat, other than mid life crisis. It felt so good to know that another man desired you.
Our affair lasted for 5 months. It was wonderful, filled with so much passion. I could see all that passion in his eyes. I guess it got to be too much for him so he ended it.
He said he wanted us to remain friends because he felt like he could talk to me about anything. We work together, so no contact was out of the question.
The first few weeks were odd, but we managed to keep it on a professional level.
Then after that things started to change. The passion is back in his eyes, he has started talking to me more and flirting more and making little comments about things only he and I know.
The other day I asked him if I am seeing that look in his eyes again and he said "yes, sometimes you do."
Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. Seems like he is the first thought on my mind when I get up and the last thought on my mind when I go to bed.
I am afraid that we are both going to be weak and start this affair again.
I wish I could stop thinking about this man so much.
Why does it have so much power over you???

"Why does it have so much power over you??? "
My husband does find me attractive. We have no problems in our marraige, we
communicate very well and have a wonderful sex life.
My XMM told me that he thinks something is missing in my marraige and I don't know
what that is. He knows my husband and says that he is a good man.
He also said that there is something missing in his marraige. He loves his wife and we
never intended to leave our spouses.
We don't see each other on a daily basis, just 1 or 2 times a week. He is in
law enforcement and works at my office as a side job.
2 other people know of our affair. One of those is another officer that works at the office. He said that he has seen it coming for quite a while. He could tell that my XMM was attracted to me. He also believes that we are both in denial about our feelings for each other. We both agreed from the beginning that we would keep it physical and not
get emotional. I somehow thought that was possible at the time. I don't think I am in love with XMM, nor him with I. I think it is lust, and we are both adults and should be able to recognize it. I was hurt when he ended it with me, but did not let him know, I told him that I could still be his friend when he asked.
I am just very confused right now with the mixed signals I am getting from him.
I hate to admit it but I would be with him again. He is just so irresistable when he looks at me that certain way.
Even though I know it is so wrong, I find myself looking forward to the days that he is working at the office, and so sad on the days that he is not, wondering if he is thinking of me, like I am thinking of him.
If things are so good with you and hubby, then why on earth did the boredom of your marriage give you the spark to jump xMM? And if communication is good, then why aren't you and hubby working together to keep things hot and juicy?
If you really need sexual variety, perhaps having an above board discussion with hubby about that lifestyle may lead to you both being with other non-loved sexual partners and not fretting over being discovered. The one thing I found to be tremendously stressful was keeping all the lies and secrets in place so my xW didn't find out. Perhaps taking the stress of lying out of the equation will change the dynamic significantly with you and hubby......
In the meantime, take a break from the exhiliration of your affair and see the rest of your world changing as it is......
cl-nre
Not every affair starts because of short comeings in the marriage as is so popular, sometimes the issues that allow it to happen are in US and the affair is a attempt to self medicate the problem in us, it fails in time and more often then not painfully so.
What keeps us in the affair is frequently 9/10ths in are head and has nothing to do with the AP OR DH, that is part of the reason affair based relationships have such a high failure rate, that 24/7 time with the AP destroys the fantasy we have created concerning them and us, leaving the truth of two people with issues that need to be worked on, plus you lose the thrills of the secret get togathers and the anticipation of it all.
You want to kill a affair dead expose it to the light of day.
F