He's proving me RIGHT!!
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| Tue, 09-21-2004 - 2:23am |
Brief summary - I told him that I couldn't sleep with him anymore and he CRIED, let out a couple of sobs and made me promise to still be his friend. He looked deep in my eyes and told me that it was the most important thing to him. He could walk away from the sex, but not the friendship.
BUT....even though I didn't say anything to the contrary to him, I knew that it wouldn't work most likely. I ended the physical side because I knew it was the right thing to do even though I still wanted him as much as ever. I just realized it would blow up in my face soon AND in order to continue I needed more from him - needed to feel cared for and respected and NOT blown off after sex (which he did EVERY TIME - and it was a LOT of sex!) I quit because I deserve better and because I have a H who wants to give me better and I can't continue to lie to him.
SO, have I heard from xOM like before? NO! Because I was on the fence about whether we could remain friends I wanted to see his true colors. I KNEW that he would blow me off in the friendship side eventually - and guess what?!?!? He HAS! And so fast!
We got together last week and *POOF* no e-mails, calls, coffee invitation like usual!
I needed to see for myself that he would drop me without the sex and sure enough it is happening.
Don't get me wrong - this is a GOOD thing and I am not complaining. He is making this easier on me. I didn't tell him not to call me ON PURPOSE. I needed him to show me that he was the dog I thought he was. And this time he succeeded in showing me his true feelings - he passed with FLYING COLORS! His true feelings for me are SEX - and when I take that away from our 'relationship' he disappears on his own.
Yes, he did care about me - he cared enough to keep me within reach when he wanted to get his rocks off or talk dirty.
Each day this gets easier and better and I feel more empowered. My spark is being able to walk away and not be a blubbering begging idiot. I only want to feel proud of my actions from now on.
I think I've had too much coffee today :)!
It feels AWESOME to feel so strong!
Thanks for listening - Lazy

Ouch, that "fool or a whore" quote stings! But it is so true. That's an excellent deterrent for me. If XOM pursues me again, and I am tempted, I will hear that in my head. Because if I cave, I'm one of the 2.
Lazy, I know it's painful realizing that you don't have the friendship you thought you had with him. It's taken me months to swallow that one. But, ya know? I don't need that kind of friend! I don't have to pursue my real friends to "be my friends." They just are.
You're attitude is awesome, and I am so proud of you! You sound stronger every day. You are a smart woman to look for his true colors and recognize them when you see them! I stayed in denial for a long time. GOOD FOR YOU!!! You are in control, and you are truly healing.
Have a great day!
Lily