He's a stranger to me
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He's a stranger to me
| Thu, 05-20-2010 - 11:22am |
Good morning to my EAS friends,
I have something I need to get off my chest.
| Thu, 05-20-2010 - 11:22am |
Good morning to my EAS friends,
I have something I need to get off my chest.
KS,
I feel your pain, it has been a rough one for you. You have been posting daily. You have been hurting, Wish I could take it from you. Help you see the light. I am truly sorry you have been struggling. This is the aftermath. This is where your heart feels like it will not beat anymore. This is the torment that we bought into.
This is something you have to go thru.You have to feel this, you have to mourn and grieve him. You will feel better in time. I realize that is something really hard for you, but it is the high price we pay. You really have to just go thru it, there is no easy way out.
Now, those pics...delete em. Delete em all, you are only torturing yourself by looking at them stranger or not. U need to let all that go.
Ok, I am going to say somethings that might seem hurtful. But know they are things to help you. I can not tell you how much my exAP would bad mouth his W. He still chose her. U need to realize that these men say things just to get us to pity them, to get us to feel comfy. To give us that validation we so desperately crave. And we take it in and we think we are winning, we are not. My exAP told me he loved me so deeply. In the end, he threw me under the bus so fast, I did not have time to jump out the street, hands down she won, she always did...I was never going to be able to compete. I thought I loved him...I did not. I was in love with the fantasy. So you see him as he truly is, he is JAM. All that pillow talk, was talk, just talk, nothing more. All that love for you he had, talk. If he really and truly loved you he would move mountains to be with you. Or leave you be, one or the other. Sounds like he may be just letting you do what you need to do. Heal and move on.
And he is stranger to you. all those stolen moments are not real. His real self, his real life is in that house. Where he pays bills, where his clothes are, where his children sleep, where he is at home, where he sleeps, eats n showers. You are a stranger to that life. He is a stranger to yours. You do not REALLY know one another. Sure, you think that what you shared was so special. But it was not. It was a big lie on sinking sand.
I can not tell you how many times posters have wrote this about MM. They say the same things you have. The feelings...no one else ever made them feel that way...all that stuff.
N be weary of people knowing about you too being in love and it showing at the party etc...i do not know if either of you have had a Dday but be very careful. The utter devastation on either side is deplorable and I do not wish it on anyone. Someone knowing and seeing you too eyeing one another is not cool. At all. Not for your H, your community if friends and the like....
N do not be so sure the spouses did not see it...esp the W. She may know more than you think. We have that intuition you know. Some W's are well aware of an A and do not let on. Some have handled this with their H's for years and are affected but do not let it show. You may have been one of many women he has had an A with. We often think we are the only OW, and are all hurt and shocked when we find out we are one of many.
I really do send you strength and hugs...I do hope you get thru the next couple of days with a better outlook. The worst of it is with you now. It will get better. You just have to let the fog continue to lift and stick to NC....time will be on your side sooner than you think, you just have to make it around this long winding bend.
Stay here and continue to post...post. post. You are doing the right thing by continuing to post here. Keep it up. It was my saving grace. It will be yours too
Luvin
I am going to post a thread on acceptance. I hope it helps you.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
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Luvin,
I AM luvin you forever!
You are on the right track...its ok to think of em. To be expected. But you are doing all you can and that is all you can do. He will slowly stop renting so much space in your head. Hang in there. I am sorry for your dday. But keep up the fight. You will heal. It just takes time. Keepswimming, you have to keep swimming, even when you think you can not go another minute...even when you think you are sinking, think of us, we are with with you and we will see that you get thru.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Hi KS-
Luvin' and CSN have given you good advice, so I am just going to give you a hug and make you a promise... mark my words- if you keep coming here and posting and reading, this raw, consuming, immediate pain will lessen with each day. If you remain committed to NC and to rebuilding yourself, you will feel yourself healing each day. Write out your pain, talk out your pain- we have all BTDT, but I really want you to hear this: One day you will feel better- that minute-by-minute struggle to cope will subside- your days will be filled with more happiness than sadness - and that day is not as far off as you think.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Hello Sisters,
Those moments made me recall those times i was blind but i did not struggle not to be hurt b/c i am not anymore.