He's telling his wife
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He's telling his wife
| Tue, 11-09-2004 - 2:17pm |
After ending our 2 year "fling" about 2 months ago the OM decided to start seeing a counselor. The counselor has suggested that he tell his wife everything...including my name. I'm desperate here. We all work at the same company. I have begged and pleaded with him, but he said he is taking the counselors advice and will probably tell her. He's still deciding, but I get the feeling that he will divulge everything. I'm so scared. He could be fired. I could be fired. This can't be good. I have told him repeatedly that it's over and I mean it. The counselor is telling him that the only way to move on, completely end it, and have his wife trust him completely again is to confess everything. What am I supposed to do? Please, please give me some advice. I need some serious help. I can't eat. Can't sleep. Can't do anything. I feel helpless.

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When I had my first session with my counselor, I was VERY nervous because here I am telling her about my A and I hope that it won't leak out. If you know what I mean? I strictly told her NEVER to call me at home, or work, because sometimes when you give out your home tel# to a doctor, they have a habit of calling you at work or at home, which screams for trouble.
I really hope your xOM does not tell his W about the A and especially tell her who you are. That would be VERY naive of him. If that does happen, I would deny it if his W confronted you.
My counselor told me that if my H doesn't know about my A, then I should keep it that way. I think that's the right to say coming from a counselor.
Be strong, I know it's a difficult situation. Maybe mention it to your xOM that if he does tell his W about you, you can all lose your jobs. Is that the way your xOM wants to resolve the situation???? I don't think so!
I honestly don't see a point in your OM telling his W about the A. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. If she does find out, the trust between them will end for sure.
Different counselors have different opinions on things such as this. Perhaps she feels all cards should be on the table in order to properly rebuild. This has nothing to do with confidentiality. The counselor is not going to tell the W, the xMM is going to. Please be prepared for the fallout if indeed he does tell. Was there a superior/subordinate relationship between you two or is there a specific rule in the workplace? If not, it will just probably create a lot of tongue wagging and your upward mobility in the organization could stop. In other words, don't look for any promotions. Many times one or both people are better off finding jobs elsewhere.
JMHO
Did he already tell his wife that he had an affair? Is that why he is in counseling? Because if that is why, then complete disclosure (telling the wife everything),IS part of the rebuilding process and counselors will advise that to their clients.
My XMM is my boss. It's a small office and recently we had to layoff everyone. Only Xmm and I are left in this building BUT I ended the affair last May because I greatly feared discovery and I KNOW he would have let me go if his wife told him to. They will do anything to protect their butts when push comes to shove. So, I am sorry, but be prepared for a fallout if XMM feels he has to follow the game plan.
Does his wife work there too? Do you have a policy for no office romances? I think that if XMM fears he may lose his job, he will find a way around all of this but I can certainly understand the stress you are going through in having to wait it out.
I wish I could help you but your best bet would be to COMPLETELY stay away from him, and that includes any discussions regarding this. Keep to yourself, hold onto any documentation that may prove he instigated the affair (if in fact he did) and keep your feelers out for other employment if the bottom DOES fall out.
I wish you luck,
~True~
You're making yourself sick over something you can't control.
More importantly, the previous poster is dead on - there's nothing you can do about this. It's out of your hands. You can't control the XMM's actions and nothing good can come of you trying. You will just continue to frustrate yourself. Is it possible he's using this approach to get an emotional response from you???? Just a thought...
Love, Mo.
Maybe he is just trying to rattle your cage because you ended it and he did not, some guys can't take it when the woman brings the affair to an end.
Juat a thought
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