Hey I could use a little BTDT back-up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Hey I could use a little BTDT back-up!
21
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 3:30pm
I have to share with someone other than Sean. Someone who's BTDT.

I hadn't heard from GB in almost 2 weeks!! I thought I was doing good. He was on a cruise with his wife for a week of that time so that was easy. He's been back a couple of days now. When I checked my email this morning I had a message from him. Drats!! But I opened it because it might be of importance to the store.

Well, only a wee little bit was.

"So how was your visit with your freind? I sure would of liked to of met

her, but oh well I guess we were both busy. Hows the store doing?

I guess I will need to contact Sean sometime today and find out whats going

on. Hope your well....and as usual I was thinking of you....again. I think

I just need to find someone I can share things with again. Take care, GB"

I have yet to respond. I know that it's considered imperative to do the NC thing but I can't. I can't just block his email because I'd have to unblock it when something business related needs to be brought to his attention. I don't have his number programmed on my phone and haven't for months but with the caller ID I know when it's him. Same thing, tho, regarding business.

I will soon reply with a very professional response, if I can manage it!

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Avatar for dmm11730
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 3:42pm
Stay strong and focused, you can do this!

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 3:43pm
You are stuck, like many of us, with contact necessary for now... like me, you have decided that the sacrifices required to get NC are too great at this time (for you, for instance, dumping the store and having no income while you figure something else out, and maybe moving to a new city too?). Not gonna happen anytime soon, so we manage with contact and try to set limits...

I think a professional response - VERY formal and nothing at all personal at all - is exactly right. Update on the status of the store ONLY. Nothing about the vacation, the visit with your friend... Honestly - not even a "how are you"...

And if he doesn't get the message, formally spelling it out for him (again?) may be necessary - in the vein of "I am only able to speak to you about business stuff. Anything beyond that is too destructive to me and my life with Sean. I appreciate you respecting that boundary."

HUGS Chris... I absolutely know how hard this is for you...

Glinda

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 3:48pm
When did you end things with him, Chris? And how did they end? I know you can't do NC because he's Sean's business partner, right? How often do you speak to him? Why is this e-mail different from any of the other contact you've had?

Maybe the solution is to make up three or four form e-mails and each time he e-mails you you send one of the forms as a reply.

I don't know if you read, but my MM contacted me yesterday (phone message) and today (e-mails). I hate the fact that I am now sitting here thinking about how to reply. I don't want to have to do that. So what I think I'm going to do is make up a few form e-mails. That way, if he ever contacts me in the future, I'll just send the form e-mail. How does that sound?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 3:53pm
Hi Chris,

I don't really know your situation but I can't believe that he wrote "I think

I just need to find someone I can share things with again"... Well let him find someone, someone else but it won't be you anymore. I've read a couple of your posts and you seem to be a very strong person who is successfully rebuilding your relationship with Sean.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 4:00pm
Okay, so he asked how the store was doing or what was going on in the store, but then he says he will call Sean to find out about the store. What is there left for you to respond to in any fashion. He can call Sean (and he said he would) for that information.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 4:17pm
I have no doubt you'll figure out the perfect Chris thing to say! Have to tell you I feel so sorry for him! No one to talk to except his wife while they're cruising around the ocean! He really is very mistreated isn't he? He's got more lucky stars then he knows how to count! He's lucky Sean hasn't castrated him yet! Sean really needs an extra big hug and kiss when you get to work! What a guy he is!!!!
Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 5:15pm
Chris ~ here's the thing. When are you going to send him an email and tell him to stop getting personal with you? Just because he and Sean are associated in business does not mean you need to be "friendly" with him. Professional is all he deserves and that is only because he is involved with the business. And I have another question. If the MM ever emailed me and said he needed to find "someone" to talk with, I'd tell him where the nearest whorehouse is! He is a thug to treat you like that. So here's my other question. Why don't you ask Sean to deal with anything having to do with GB? Why do you have to be involved at all? Since Sean knows everything anyway, what is the harm? I would say that would be a huge relief to you.

This guy is a flake and I'd say the sooner you get out of being in business with him, the better off you and Sean are going to be. Do you REALLY WANT to be rid of him and eliminate any association with him??? Sometimes I do wonder. You don't need his attention and I'm sure Sean would be more than happy to deal with him so you don't have to. Whoo hoo! I'd say that would be real freedom! Besides, he is Sean's partner in business, right? So it just makes sense to me that he is who GB should be dealing with when he wants to talk business. Then since you have no personal interest in him, it would FINALLY be over!

Hugs to you.

GT

Avatar for crystal_clr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 5:43pm
I agree, I think that was a pretty slimy thing to say. Don't even go there - stay all business.

Chris, I thought you were pretty much through with his remarks. When did they start up again? For so long you didn't seem to have any trouble with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 2:00am
GT, I do appreciate your input. Unfortunately, you don't know me or the situation enough should you give such advice. I can't turn my back on someone who means something to me. If he were in real trouble, then, yes, I'd listen. Right now, I know what he wants and I'm not listening. If he wanted to make an effort at making his marriage work rather than just going through the motions, I'm all for it. He's not ready for that and she's in denial. He know exactly where his marriage is. Where he is in denial is in that I don't want him as anything more than a business associate and casual friend.

Yes, he is Sean's business associate/partner in the legal sense. I am Sean's business associate/partner in a personal sense. As such, it is in my job description to handle things when Sean is unavailable. Scheduling problems, bank deposits, customer complaints, questions, purchases, billing, and bills. Some of these have to be dealt with through GB when there are problems. It is unfeasible for Sean to have to handle all the business side of the business. We agreed that I will do what I can and if that means handling(manipulating even) GB, then that's how I can help Sean.

Yes, the sooner we can get out of doing business the better for us. Alas, in the fine print of the contracts there is a 3-store clause. The only way we can get out of the contract is to default or sell. To sell, we have to make it successful enough for someone else to want it. That's going to take work and dealing with GB. It is our ultimate goal. If we succeed with this one and sell it, we can be free of GB!!!

Until that time, I will do what is necessary to make the business work.

You do have great ideas!! I just can't put them to use at the moment!

~Chris~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 2:06am
I'll get through this. As someone once told me, "This too shall pass."

Thanks,

~Chris~

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