hi all
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| Sat, 04-23-2005 - 11:14am |
hi all,
its been 3 weekends now since OW left, i have no more contact with her, i did try to send her email and called her but did not get any more response from her
i know in time it will get better, i know a lot of folks here are having a hard time, it is an addiction, i believe in time it will get better, i am sad and lonely but i think its part of the process
i try to go out, walk around, trying yoga also, try to reconnect with friends so i will be busy, anything that would get me busy, sure i have down times also, i still think of her all the time but i am able to sleep much better, able to concentrate at work a bit better also, although at work i get reminded of her all the time as well
worst is co workers would talk about her and i would hear some news about her thru them so i am dealing with that , its hard for me, oh well, im just saying that i think i am doing better, i dont have that big urge to call her anymore, i still have the urge, also email but i have more control now
thanks to all for all the support,
max
i love the people on this board

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DITTO Max, this Board is kind of like a "lifeline" right now. I just wanted you to know that I have been following your progress and truly appreciate your courage in reaching out to us all. I hope to try and participate more actively as I work towards recovery. I think it is more difficult when the decision to end it is made "for you" and not "by you" but upon reflection it doesn't really matter. Inevitably both parties will achieve a much healthier wholeness and sense of integrity if all their actions can be proudly proclaimed in the light of day. May we all find genuine peace in our journey.
ARTIST
thanks all,
u too Lea, looks like u are doing good also, we can have a mutual helping society here
last nite i went out and watched a movie by myself, went to see the Interpreter, it was a good movie i think, it was a change for me to go out by myself
its a hard climb for all of us, sometimes i just want to give up but i guess i have no other choice but to move on, the memories of OW sometimes keeps me going and sometimes it stops me right in the tracks, some of the posters here said that its hard to think and sleep and eat, all i can say that in time u will be able to overcome this as well, i felt the same way too when OW left, i could not sleep and function at work, i now know that time will heal or at least let us do something other than not function as a human being
i dont know what i will do for now, just live day to day and survive, i just want to laugh again and maybe smile, i dont want to be sad anymore, we make our choice so now we must make another one of those again
max
Maxell,
<<>>
Question: Did anyone at work ever know about your affair? The only reason I am asking is because if they didn't, carrying all this pain alone has to be so difficult when you hear her name, but Max, always remember that you can love someone without being with them.
I still love XMM, in a sort of on camera way...but off camera, he is a speck in the wind, a blurp on my radar, but that only comes with time and distance. I can't distance myself physically because of our working relationship, but outside of work he is nonexistant. I worked fervently on disconnecting any and all emotional triggers, which included no longer desiring him, respecting him, admiring him, etc. It's amazing what the mind can do when survival comes into play.
One of my coworkers knew about our affair. I trusted him with my life, so to speak. He never folded on me, and when he was laid off, I am embarrassed to say I was relieved. He was my only link to affairacide. (just made up that word, whatcha think?) I took a huge chance in trusting him, but I have an uncanny knack in people perception except for Mr. Boss, who led me down the primrose path holding BOTH of my hands :)
Just give it time, Max. There is no other antidote better qualified but NC does assist in the success rate of having that "Over and Out" victory.
Id
Id,
no one at work knew except my boss, towards the end my boss somehow found out
it is so hard since some of my co-workers still are in contact with her and they would ask me to go to lunch with them, i will always have to decline
she left i think because of our affair, she wants to end it for her reasons, i could not end it myself, for that i admire her, she never said goodbye to me, worst is we had an fight/argument the day before she left and hurtful words were said by me
last time i saw her, her face was upset and sad and she did not want to speak to me, the next day she was gone
i still have strong feelings for her, like u said , she will always have a place in my heart
thanks again for sharing, i feel like i am not alone
max
Hi Max,
I've somehow followed your story, and I'm coming out of lurkworld since I've been in the same mode as you are. It is hard to let go of the obsessive feelings. I've been sort of discarded without notice, and the hurt is hard to describe. There are lots of nights of crying and sleeplessness, borderline depression. I used to be an avid gymrat, until a month ago, felt paralyzed from the pain of heartbreak I have had minimal contact with my best friend so I don't have anyone to talk to about it. More so, work is stressful and that doesn't relieve the feeling of helplessness. Two days ago, I looked in the mirror and realized that no one is going to pull me out of this, except me. So I put on my gym gear and exercised like a maniac. Been back to the gym for the last 2 days, and I promised myself that I'll be going there every single day especially when I start to think about my MM. I will also start seeing a counselor tomorrow, for professional support.
Your situation has been a guide for me... and I hope that it will get better each day. Follow your own pace, but know that you are someone special and worth more than you'll ever know. Hugs to you.
illbfine (and so will u)
illbfine,
thanks for your kind words and thoughts, i experience all that u describe, yes, hard to let go, im working on it but still have not found it yet to let go of her fully in my mind and heart
i used to be a runner and now i could not even go out and walk a mile or two, she has taken control of my life and i let her, i wish i had never met her in the first place or did not get involve but its too late now, charge to experience i would say
sometimes i feel like falling in love to someone is like a game that i can never win, i just keep on playing the game ....
i know in time i will be able to be more realistic in my expectations, for now im still laying siege to my emotions and im so tired of it
max
Hugs to you.
Max, I run. And I often run with tears streaming down my face. It's not a pretty sight but I do feel better afterwards.
I've followed your story and I unfortuately can imagine the pain.
Do you mind if I ask if they've replaced her job with a new person? I'm sorry for the pain and hope each day is feeling better.
WIP
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