Hi all.... new here, need support

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Hi all.... new here, need support
1
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 3:17am
Hi, I have moved here from the "My Affair" board. I will see if I can give you guys some info so you all wont be lost to my situation.

I was M for 10 years. I was in an A with a SM for 4 plus years. We ended the A about 6 months before I divorced my H. We couldnt take the emotions anymore and I wasnt exactly sure how long it would be before I left my H. We went on strict NC for about a year plus. Until recently. He searched me out.... for what, I have no idea. Anyway, we started the contact all over again, started to get emotional, had a great talk. The twist is... during that year we had NC, he met someone and so did I. He is now engaged to be married to the new GF, and I am living with someone.

The problem was/is, he is getting married in Oct. We had been talking pretty serious emotional things here recently, but he isnt willing to leave his GF. I am not willing to be in an A again. We are both in a postition where we CAN be together now if he really wanted, but obviously he doesnt. Obviously I am only someone he can use when he isnt getting what he needs at home.

I have a wonderful man in my life now and I am not willing to lose this relationship due to an affair. I have been there done that, and dont ever want to go back. The A just will never be enough for me. The way I see it, is that if he really loved me, then he wouldnt be willing to lose me for a second time. He obviously has no respect for me, or for his new GF, or for himself. And knowing this and finally seeing how he is, I have decided that he isnt the one for me. Even if he left today to be with me, I know he would repeat his pattern even if we were together, and I deserve more. I want more... and what he is trying to offer me, all he is willing to offer me, well it just isnt enough anymore. It might have been enough when it was ALL we could give or do, but we are both able now to be together and yet he chooses to move on with his new GF.... So kudos to them.

I am here now, and I love him with all my heart, always will... but it just isnt enough to keep me in it anymore. I hope to find support here. Thank you all for listening. This is NOT going to be easy.... baby steps, one day at a time.

H2H

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 9:41am
HI H2H

Question: Do you love the man your with now yes/no, if yes how much.

The reason I ask is you said that you love the XMM with all your heart, that being the case it would seem that maybe your with this new guy for the wrong reasons because you cannot love someone else with all your heart and love this guy as well I think.

This may qualify as the worst support your going to get today, but I am just trying to get a handle on were your at and maybe to start you thinking outside of the affair fog as well.

Free