Hi everyone been away for a while
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| Wed, 06-01-2005 - 9:11am |
Well its good to be back :) I was away because I have had a limited download on my internet package and being here had just blown it! lol So now I have upgraded to unlimited - so I have no more excuses! ;)
As for me (for those of you who remember) I have been in A for 12 years with MM, who I am currently trying to finish it with, although I wanted to do it face to face and he lives 2000 miles away.
I got a hold of him on the phone and told him we needed to talk but I wanted to do it in person and when could he get here? He said thats fine I can come in about 2 weeks. I am still to hear final plans but am expecting him here in town mid to late next week.
I'm feeling ok today, bit tenuous about our get together (I suppose thats only natural though). I hope I have more to tell you all soon.
Anyway, just wanted to touch base - say hi, and I hope your all well. I will progressively over the next few days try to catch up on what I've missed.
Take care - Liz :)

Liz
Welcome back and GOOD LUCK with the meeting.
Stay Strong YOUR IN CONTROL.
wow...you are making this guy fly 2000 miles to end it? He probably thinks you are a) planning something very special for him b)gonna tell him you are dying of cancer or some other disease or c) something else only a man can think of that is good.
Given the distance...I wouldve flown to him. He is going to resent like hell you made him come to you and then end it. I wouldve felt more in control over everything as well, being able to leave when you wanted going to his area etc.
How is he planning when his plan departs? Certainly he wouldnt have booked just one day to return the next when flying so far. He has not been curious enough to ask you what the emergency is???? Did you lure him with false expectations? This is not adding up in my book..sorry.
Perhaps you really dont want to end it but rather have yet another dramatic scene in which to have a make up at the end and are hoping for it now that you've made him jump through the 2000 mile plane ride hoop?
Controversial post I know..but i couldn't help throwing it out there.
Whatever you do be above board. Revenge is not the motivation I hope. Being and living honestly is a great thing. It also keeps you safer and able to live with yourself much easier.
Lizzie
I was thinking the EXACT same thing Lizzie!
I actually feel SORRY for the dumb MM that he'll hop a plane and make the trek all the while she's only having him do it to say "it's over - leave me alone" well then why the hell did you ask me to come all this way?
Seems to me if you are really serious about wanting it to be over - it wouldn't matter if it's over the phone... in an email... or NOTHING at all!
Besides - I know whenever exMM and I were face to face - the LAST thing I wanted to do was tell him to go away and leave me alone! :p
Good Luck Lizinoz.
Thank you for your post. Generally I would take a harsh post such as this on the chin, but I feel compelled to correct some of the misconceptions you seem to have about me.
"Certainly he wouldnt have booked just one day to return the next when flying so far." That is the way that our whole A has been conducted. I fly to him or he flies to me overnight and perhaps part of the next day.
"He has not been curious enough to ask you what the emergency is????" To my surprise and obviously yours, no he did not question me. If he knows I need him to come he does no questions asked.
"Did you lure him with false expectations?" Please! I am not that insensitive or immature. I explained to him that we needed to talk and I wanted to do it face to face. Clear and simple.
"Perhaps you really dont want to end it but rather have yet another dramatic scene in which to have a make up...." Does this even warrant an answer? This paragraph insults me.
"Revenge is not the motivation I hope. Being and living honestly is a great thing." My problem is I feel I am in love with him! (and yes I understand A's aren't really love) How could anyone claiming that ever use revenge as a tool against that other person?
THIS is a controvertial post. I'm sorry but I really cannot stand it when it seems people are attacking my character! I have tried in my posts to be as honest and upfront as possible.
Lizinoz
Yeah...I said it was a controversial post...
Liz...I know you've had a very long term affair with this man...but ask yourself...would you fly 2000 miles knowing that someone is going to end it with you? That there will be no physical contact with them but rather rejection? Perhaps because of the length of time of your affair it would warrant a face to face resolution...and perhaps he has the financial wherewithall that this isn't a burden to book such a flight on a moments notice...
I dunno...If someone was talking to me about it and said "when are you coming" i'd expect them to come to me since it seemed so important to them it be done...i'd also want to explore what the heck its all about.
People usually don't run to unpleasantness...just sayin'
I wish you luck, sorry if i offended and insulted you...my post was controversial to you that I will admit.
stay safe,
Lizzie
Thanks Lizzie,
Yes I have been concerned about the fact that he has no idea that he is walking into bad news. When we spoke today, he actually questioned me about this trip for the first time - I had found it really weird that he hadn't asked before now. I told him I wasn't willing to discuss it over the phone and then he asked if it was because I wanted help to start up my new business? He really has no idea.
I am now tossing up between emailing him a letter I drafted a few weeks ago (when I decided to end it) or fly up to him and end it. As he certainly does quite easily have the finances however I don't I assume I will go with the email. Still have not decided completely yet. As you said (quite rightly) 12 years to me does warrant a face to face, it kills me to have to do it via a computer.
Thanks for your reply
Liz
Liz,
I was not going to post (just read a little) this morning because I have very limited time but I just had to respond. I understand how you feel the need to end a long term A in person but please ask yourself, Who am I REALLY doing this for? Him or me? Trust me, men aren't that sentimental, a phone call or email will suit just fine.
Something else to think about: Put yourself in HIS walking shoes. Imagine you fly 2000 miles to see him, on the long flight there you start thinking about and fantasizing about what a wonderful time you are going to have with him, maybe you even brought along a little something special.....your anticipation grows. The closer you get to him, the more you start to desire him. You can't wait. You finally see him, there's a little small talk and you think you are headed for some kind of little escapade with him. Then, WHAM! He lowers the BOOM. What do you do now? It was such a long flight, what, 5 hours? Do you hang around town for a few days all by yourself? Do you hop right back on for another 5 hours?
Imagine the flight back. ALL that time you have to do nothing but just SIT there and think. What will you think about? How sweet it was of him to make you fly 10 stinking hours just to hear him say two words face to face - it's over? 5 hours is plenty of time to sit and steam, grow bitter and resentful. You can't go anywhere to let off steam, not the gym or work or a friends house. You are stuck there in that seat for FIVE hours to contemplate what a total jerk this man was. He COULD have called or emailed you, why did he make you come all that way for this?
Another thing to consider: You will see him face to face. What do you think the odds are that he will sweet talk you into having one last fling, after all you made him fly all this way. Is it going to be for nothing? What about when he looks at you with those beautiful sad eyes and says, "but I love you so much". What about when he touches you in only the way HE can? Do you really think you will be able to stay strong? Don't over estimate yourself, have you been reading this board long? It happens ALL THE TIME. You are no exception.
Please don't take this as harsh, sometimes others can see a situation for what it is, harmful and hurtful for both parties. You are inside your box and thus your judgment may be slightly impaired.
Please to the humane thing and spare this man the added insult and humiliation of being dragged 2000 miles only to be given the ax.
~CGU