Hi guys, havent been here in a long whil
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Hi guys, havent been here in a long whil
| Sat, 05-22-2004 - 8:31pm |
Heres whats been going on with me.Well, MMs wife discovered the A again(for like the 4th time) and this time she kicked him out.So they are separated right now.After several days of him blubbering uncontrollably, he is now coping a little better, staying with a family member.We are still "together" so to speak, but he doesnt call as much, doesnt make it a point to see me as much.He still tells me constantly that he loves me.Last night, he stayed the night with me.When I ask him if he wants to work things out with her again, he says he doesnt know, that he know he loves me, that he could probably work on getting back to her if he really wanted to, but hes not sure that he does, so hes not going back right now.I hate feeling like at any time, any minute he could just say, welp, Ive had my taste of you Im going back home now.I know right now his focus is on the kids, as it should be, Im not asking for the moon.I just dont have the energy to be lead on anymore than I already have, if in the end when we've finally come so close, hes just gonna walk away.This time will definately be for good.Ive always let him come back, every single time, Ive given in to him.But this time, its forever.I guess I will just have to convince myself that he is dead, because I seriously think thats the only way for me to move on from this. He says he really trying.He misses his kids so much, he misses his lifestyle, he doesnt want to lose a friendship with her, he said if he could trade her out for me in his life as it is, he would be happy.Unfortunately it doesnt work that way I said, so he has to figure out the lesser of 2 evils.I want him to be happy.When Im with him now, his eyes are sad, and I hate feeling like Im to blame.Yes, I know he had a big part in it, but I used to see happiness in his eyes when he looked at me, and now all I see is pain.I guess time will tell.
Emma

I guess in the back of my mind, i just wish he would get divorced and want to be with me...but i know it's more complicated than that. And yes, ime afraid of him going back to her and working things out to the point that i really don't want to work with him anymore just so i don't have to see her come around. And ime in the process of looking for a job elsewhere.
I think you need to give him some space, make urself unavailable to him for awhile so he can think clearly without all this going on. He's being pulled in many directions - he's got the children, and wat was once a happy, loving family, and then he has you. He needs some ME time to himself as do you for urself. You both need to figure out wat u want out of life. Being in an A is like riding a rollercoaster...the emotions are endlessly up and down and it does drain u emotionally. That was the hardest part i had in dealing with my A...the emotional ups and downs. And just being a friend to him is sometimes even more trying.
So i wish u the best of luck in trying to deal with wat is going on in ur life and let us know how you're doing in dealing with this. Take care....