Hi, having trouble

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2010
Hi, having trouble
6
Sat, 12-04-2010 - 9:03am

Hi, I posted here before, but its been a long time (maybe a month or 2)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Sat, 12-04-2010 - 9:31am

Oh, Armymom, I have read your posts on MAS and you have struggled for a long time. I am sorry you are hurting like this. All of us here at EAS have BTDT, so you are not alone in your pain. The plain and simple truth is that if he loved you, he would be with you. He would move mountains and wouldn't care what he had to lose at home. King Edward VIII gave up his throne to be with Wallis Simpson. Talk about giving up a lot for love!!

The cold hard truth is you are in an illicit relationship with a man who belongs to another woman.

You say he keeps breaking NC. If you want to end this deceitful and unfulfilling R with AP, then tell him you are done and then you must block him from any means of contacting you.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
Sat, 12-04-2010 - 9:37am
Sorry you are having a rough time. ExAP and I ended things twice before it finally ended this last time. There were also a lot of threats of ending things in the almost 2 years we were together. NC is the only way to make this ending stick. I see you have tried the NC thing before but this time you will have to be 100% committed to NC if you truly want this to be over. I think it was Dee who first said to me "walk and block". Look at NC as the best thing you can do for yourself. It sucks at first but eventually you will see this route is the best route. We are here for you. NC = no new hurts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Sat, 12-04-2010 - 11:02am

Hi ArmyMom,

Sorry you are having such a rough time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sat, 12-04-2010 - 11:28am

Hi A_M,

Did you perchance read this thread that was just posted in the last couple of days?

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/General-Discussions/Because-I-am-real/m-p/116279689#U116279689

It pretty much tells it like it is, honey. I know facing the reality that he is not going to leave his W for you is hard to swallow, but once you gulp it down, the rest of your misperceptions re. your A will be easier to digest. You say you ended your other relationship....be honest here; did you do this for yourself or with expectations that MM would follow your lead? It's very doubtful he will ever do this...and quite possibly he is much more anxious now because he knows you will want more. They aren't willing to give us that, and he may pull away even more. And, why does he break NC? Because he knows you are standing right there with open arms ready to take him back. You have shown him that his shabby behavior toward you is acceptable and that past behavior can be a predictor of future behavior. "We TEACH people how to treat us." It's really that simple...there's no big mystery as to why there is back and forth, and ending and starting. No one has put their foot down and said "Enough."

We are here for you when you can utter the "E" words. (Ended and Enough)

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2010
Sat, 12-04-2010 - 12:15pm

I can honestly say that I needed to end my R for me. 10 years with an alcoholic was long enough for me. I knew that AP would never leave his W. I know this and still want to be with him. I know that I deserve very much more than what he is offering. I want to so badly stop this insanity, I know deep down that this needs to be over. I have already written a letter to him, that I need to give him, he doesn't even deserve that, but from my end I can say everything that I need to say to him. I have been sitting here crying over spilt milk, enough crying!! I need to be strong and he is just a man after all, they come and go, I am hoping I can stay the course and work on myself for a change, it is so hard to do when I have never put myself first ever! So thank you for the feedback, I hoe to stick to my guns and say "enough"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Sat, 12-04-2010 - 1:49pm

Hi army_mom,

It's great to see you here!!