Hi - I'm back - doing good and bad...
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|Sun, 05-18-2003 - 10:48am|
Well I'm back from our family vacation. We had a really good time. As far as H and I there was a lot of arguing, but it was a tiring vacation running after two little kids and actually for us there were some good moments too. Believe it or not we had sex after 9 months of not doing so. Only once, and it was pretty short and sweet, but it something to build on. Actually the whole trip was something to build on. It was good.
The last day of the trip I checked my email at the hotel (I had resisted the rest of the time) and there was an email waiting from OM. The message was sent to me and many others inviting us to a surprise birthday party for his wife. I know that is a totally normal thing for him to do, but it just made me think back to my birthday and how he had asked to see me, and then cancelled the day before, because a meeting came up. I was so disappointed. Honestly, to see him put all this effort into her birthday does hurt.
For the rest of that day I felt as though I was a walking zombie. I had been having so much fun before that point, and it had such an impact. It made me realize how truly important it is that I get over this man. I wanted so much to email him and tell him off for just everything. All the hurt I've ever felt. Everything. But its been my own stupid fault. I shouldn't have got involved in the first place and I shouldn't have kept it going all this time. I don't even understand where all this emotion comes from - its so intense. Why does he have this hold on me?
Anyway, as I thought about it all, I wondered if there was any way I could move away from him. I do think he will move in the next year or two, but honestly I don't see that we can. How can I exist with him so intertwined in my life yet heal from all this? Is it possible?