Hi, I'm new

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
Hi, I'm new
16
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 5:50pm

My story is just like everyone else's so it feels kind of stupid to tell it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 5:58pm

Hi, Unbreakme.

I'm sorry/so glad you're here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 6:05pm

Thanks, Dee.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 6:26pm

Unbreakme,

I'd like to welcome you to our community and ask, "How long have you been lurking?" Are you relatively new to the site or have you been reading here for a while? Are you familiar with our Healing Library? I hope you will spend a lot of time reading the threads there, especially the "Wisdom and Insights" threads. There is part 1 and part 2. That should kill a couple of hours. :smileywink:

We all understand your pain. That constant throb that feels like it will never go away...will in time, but only if you are in complete NC with your XAP. Any emails, texts, or phone calls will keep that pain throbbing, so for your own healing you need to block him. Have you done this yet? If you can't bring yourself to doing it today, plan on doing so ASAP. We know you want to see if he makes contact but you will learn that it just doesn't matter...The reasons you need to end this will be the same tomorrow and the next day. Nothing is going to change...it will remain an A by no other name, and I believe you know this already.

I am proud of you for leaving the job you were at. I still work with my XMM although my A has been over for 6.5 years. The first two years out was h3ll on wheels, but I worked very hard at disengaging my emotions and turning our relationship back to one of professionalism. He had a harder time letting go than I did probably because I was the one to end it. Once we make up our minds that this has to be over with, there must be NO turning back. Waffling shows weakness and neediness...and right now you will have to be stronger than ever before.

You can deal with having to see him in common social circles later on. We have tips for that, or all you have to do is post about an upcoming event and you will get oodles of support for getting through it. Any moments of weakness you have, come here first and post about it. Our Tweeners/Super Tweeners (those who have

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 7:27pm

Hi Unbreakme,

First off I want to tell you that you are special!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 8:02pm

Unbreakme,

Welcome to EAS.

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2010
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 8:18pm

hello, and thank you for posting! I think we all help each other, I have not been doing very well lately. It hurts, its heart wrenching and there is no way to easily make it go away. The constant thinking of the good things settles in and you forget how you were always second or third, never a priority, and the sneaking became very old. I say to myself, could I really not have self esteem?? Or am I just a goof, who yes, finally got a clue and is just looking for love in all the wrong places. And why?? Been asking myself that question.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 8:38pm
Hi unbreakme,

I'm glad you posted and are looking through the Healing Library. You will find alot of helpful information. You will feel alot of different emotions and you seem very determined to stay ended and heal. I'm not sure if this is the right advice, but you will be having alot of emotions at this point and maybe at this point you should focus on your healing then at a little later date you could tackle any marriage issues you feel needed looking at? Hugs to you and I'm glad you made the decision to end the hurt of being in an A:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 8:46pm

Hi UnBreakMe,

Welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 9:01pm

Welcome, Unbreakme. I'm glad you were able to find your way to EAS. This place is warm, comfortable and full of helpful stories, advice and strong shoulders to cry on. We have all been where you are right now. In the very beginning, the pain comes from every direction and is impossible to dodge. There's simply no away around the raw emotions you are feeling right now. The best thing you can do for yourself is exactly what you are doing: read through the Healing Library and post here. This is the warmest and most welcoming place you are going to find to help ease you through this courageous decision to end your A and move yourself along a path where you will discover things about yourself and ways to become a more whole and healthier person. It is not an easy ride. We are all in different stages of our personal journies but we are all committed to getting ourselves "right." I wish you much strength and meaningful discoveries. Please feel free to post anything and everything you are feeling. You are never alone here.

Warm hugs,

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 9:28pm

Every single one of you are angels from heaven right now.

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