A higher level of acceptance

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
A higher level of acceptance
11
Tue, 12-28-2010 - 5:23pm

It was 11 weeks ago yesterday that I sent xAP an email telling him that I had come to my senses, that it was an ego stroking game and I was embarassed and ashamed of my behavior. I told him I would not contact him again. (Of course I blew that a couple weeks ago, but thankfully he did not respond. Maybe I can just pretend he never received it!!)

Anyway, my guests have left and the madness of Christmas week is over and things are settling back to "normal." What a difference a year makes. I was completely present in every crazy moment this year and it

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 11:19am

(((Iddy)))

Hell no, I'm not scaling back on that 100 times of failure! It might be even more than that!! What I was thinking when I wrote that was my manuscript getting rejected. I wasn't referring to setting my sights so high that I consciously or subconsciously set myself up for failure. For me, I'm referring to not being afraid to attempt new things, go after what I want (the healthy things!), push myself to a new level of self awareness. I want to run a 10k in the spring, but realistically (because I am getting old and my bones are getting creaky) I may end up walking part of the way. But that's OK. It's the attempt and intent that make us successful.

My fear of failure has dictated a lot of what I have and have not done in my life. I would get myself involved in things that I knew I could be successful at or win. I was too afraid to try things I didn't think I could be perfect or the best at. I have a deep fear of failure because in my mind, failure

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.

Pages