his mom died...what do I do?
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| Mon, 08-02-2004 - 6:51pm |
I don't know what to do! I still love him, as a friend of course, and still a little bit as an X. I really want to move on but I feel so attached still. I feel like I owe him some support due to all the support he has given me since the AB. Although that was BOTH of our problems and I had nothing to do with his mom dying, obviously. As I friend, I am very concerned about him. The last few months have been hard on him too. I worry about his spirit being broken down by all this.
I have become a little dependent on him for my emotional stability the last few months and I am afraid to go on without him by my side. But he can't really be there for me anymore and I don't know what to do or who to be for him. I'm so confused.
When you love someone, it's nearly impossible to keep your emotions in check. But I can't abandon him now, can I?

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PS Her funeral was 6 days ago.
And for your own healing, hope that he turns to his wife for that support.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
You know it does, now the question is do you really want to go there again YES/NO, if the answer is NO, then it is time to go NO CONTACT and get about having your own life, a real life not another fantasy wourld that is nothing more then a contstruct of lies.
Best wishs
Free
I did want to separate from him but I wanted to do it on my schedule. My schedule was
A) Cry and grieve over the pregnancy & AB
B) Cry and grieve over the end of the affair
C) Get stronger. Work. Eat right, sleep right. Exercise
D) Start cutting off contact with him until eventually we were just good friends that rarely talked.
And damn, I'm pissed that I can't do it on my schedule. I know that is INCREDIBLY selfish. I mean his mom just died for heaven's sakes. It's not like I am going to tell him any of this but I had to get it out b/c it's one of my millions of crazy feelings right now.
I'm really sorry if I sound selfish or crazy or whatever but I have been living in this "in between" place ever since he found out she was dying 3 weeks ago. Now I just feel completely crazy.
Thanks for your support. I know no contact is probably the best route (I'm in recovery for ED so I know the drill on addictions). I just don't know what the truth is when it comes to my feelings for him. Especially now.
Sigh. But thanks, really.
-Real
Leave it at that and the next time he calls, tell him this is not a good time to talk. If he leaves a message, don't return the call immediately.....wait a day or 2 or a week!
As for YOUR schedule of healing, skip item A and B because they will just happen all on their own timeline. Start devoting ALL your time to items C and D because the quicker you do, the quicker you will recover.
In the final analysis of your relationship with this man, YOU are the only one you need to be responsible for and the only one you need to be taking care of.
Sorry that you are going through this but I do know that once you put yourself FIRST, life does change for the better!
Good Luck and stay strong :)
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