his mom died...what do I do?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
his mom died...what do I do?
11
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 6:51pm
I've been feeling real....horrible and mixed up. It's been about 4 months since I ended the affair but short history here (doesn't do justice, please don't think I am being blase about it)..we slept together..once...i got pregnant...had an AB...he was 100% there for me, very supportive, very accountable. He called all the time to check on me, see if I needed anything but we both knew the affair was over. The pregnancy destroyed the whole fantasy thing, a real wake up call. The constant contact though kept us kind of emotionally attached and made it very hard for me to move on. Finally, I was starting to feel stronger and then a week ago, his mom passed away suddenly from cancer.

I don't know what to do! I still love him, as a friend of course, and still a little bit as an X. I really want to move on but I feel so attached still. I feel like I owe him some support due to all the support he has given me since the AB. Although that was BOTH of our problems and I had nothing to do with his mom dying, obviously. As I friend, I am very concerned about him. The last few months have been hard on him too. I worry about his spirit being broken down by all this.

I have become a little dependent on him for my emotional stability the last few months and I am afraid to go on without him by my side. But he can't really be there for me anymore and I don't know what to do or who to be for him. I'm so confused.

When you love someone, it's nearly impossible to keep your emotions in check. But I can't abandon him now, can I?

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Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 9:24am
Hiya Realsign,

There's no question that the death of a parent is terribly painful. No one disputes that or that you have been a supportive friend to him.

There does, however, come a point when he really does have to lay in in the bed that he made, and chose over & above your own bed. That includes turning to his own wife, family, and circle of friends for the support to get through things exactly like this.

It doesn't have to be a nasty or spiteful turning away from him. Another poster wisely suggested weaning him off your breast of support by saying that it's an inconvenient moment if he should phone. If you really wanted to do so, you could screen all calls with your answerphone. If it's him then don't answer. With time, he will have no option but to turn to those around him for support and isn't that the best thing for both of you?

You matter. Your own healing matters. Do not make the mistake of putting his healing over and above your own.

On the other hand, no one can help if it's a matter of you needing to be needed by him...

Wishing you strength & peace,

Posie

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