His W and my H know all the details
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| Wed, 12-10-2003 - 4:01pm |
So that evening I told my H everything.... all of the details. When it started, how long it lasted for and the fact that we were intimate. All things that H had suspected, but had never been confirmed. He was relieved to finally hear me telling the whole truth about the A. Of course, he called my XMM's W with all of the information we talked about.
Today I couldn't handle NC any longer and called XMM without knowing that my H had called their house. Well, the conversation was very short and definitely not sweet. He ended the conversation saying "thanks for "M" (my husband) calling our house". Then about 20 minutes later we had to both pick up our kids at the same bus stop. XMM was so furious he turned around, got into his car and waited in there until the bus came with the children.
Stupid me is know absolutely sick about this, thinking, oh no I've really sealed the deal now... he'll never come back to me now.... although I try to remind myself that XMM made huge promises during the time that we were together like he would leave his wife, and we would live happily ever after, and he promptly broke them the night the A became known.
Does he have any right to be this angry? We both are in the wrong here, both have broken promises.
Any advise?
CG

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Good luck and hang in there.
Cali~
Thanks for the kind words.... I'm feeling like all I'm leaving is a path of destruction in my wake.... when XMM and I started NC I felt that he would eventually come back. That I would concentrate on my girls, selling my house, moving, and getting through the holidays.... I always felt in my heart of hearts that he would come back. Strangely enough I still feel that way.... yep, I'm delusional now. And the sad part is considering all the things I'm trying to deal with.... my H attempting suicide, my kids having the stomach flu, trying to sell my house, find a job.... I would take XMM back in a second. I do need something for myself, but I've always been the person who puts herself at the bottom of the pile.... otherwise I wouldn't have started the A.
I'm tired, and lonely, and sick to my stomach. At least NC shouldn't be an issue anymore ;)
CG
Stupid me is know absolutely sick about this, thinking, oh no I've really sealed the deal now... he'll never come back to me now.... although I try to remind myself that XMM made huge promises during the time that we were together like he would leave his wife, and we would live happily ever after, and he promptly broke them the night the A became known.
You're right in saying that the XMM will never come back. There's no trust, Maybe you can be friends but it'll be hard (see some of my posts). Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could turn back time or to just feel his touch one last time. And as for those promises, if you XMM is like my XMM, hes a coward that probably doesn't know what he wants or how he really feels. Its taken me 2 months to realize that XMM and I will never be together intimately again, and believe me it hurts. I just keep telling myself that hes a coward. And with the words from friends I'm starting to believe this. As I told XMM, he was high for me but eventually we must all come down.
Hopefully, I can be this strong tomorrow but probably like you, my emotions are all over the place. One minute I want him, the next I hate him. Good luck and keep us posted.
You would think I've got enough to worry about with selling my house, the holidays, three beautiful little girls.... nope, apparently not. I've got to use what brain cells I've got left to obsess about XMM. You are right when you said he probably doesn't know what he wants or how he feels. All he knows right now is he is FURIOUS with me for talking about the details of the A with my husband, and then having my husband call up XMM's W and fill her in on the details. I had to finally come clean with my H in order for him and me to move on with our seperation. I felt it was important for me to stop living behind a shield of lies and finally start with a clean slate. My H thought the same thing... and in the long run, the only people I have to account to are myself and my girls.
My XMM is so NOT in touch with his feelings that in fact, he has not told one person outside of me and his W that he and his W are having MAJOR marital issues. Not his best friend, not his parents, not his sisters or brother.... talk about pushing feelings deep down inside. But that is just another thing that makes me sad... he was able to be completely open with me, and in fact told his W that was one of the things that he loves about me... we could talk about anything. Go figure!
Anyway, I'm about to sit down with my 11 year old daughter and watch "Ryan and Trista's Wedding" and pretend like I still believe in happily ever after. Let me tell you... I turned 40 in May (ironically that is the night my A started)... and it's really sucked big time being 40! 2004 has got to better than 2003!
Hope you are having a great evening! Thanks for the support.
CG
You should not feel lonely. I am here for you. We all are. You can e-mail me, get me here, instand message me or if you need my # I will give that to you as well.
I am tired and sick to my stomach too. It does get better though once you realize what you have to do for YOU. That is what I am trying to do now.
Now enough of that down on yourself. I am going to come kick you butt. NC is the way to see the light. Hard yes but necesssary to keep our sanity.
Don't let him break you if he contact you. I let mine do that too many times. It isnot worth it trust me please.
Post tomorrow if you get a chance. I am thinking of you.
Cali~
I do not understand the energy that goes into that. There were so many promises made to us that were broken. I know, I know. People will say that those promises were made by a married man that was lying to his W, so why did we trust him? That is a good question. I just know that I really believed it all.
Lostit
I know this will sound very harsh and I apologize for having to say it but it's high time that you stop being loyal to MM and start putting yourself, your husband and your marriage first. Even if you don't plan to rebuild, your loyalties need to be to your life and not to MM's or the promises he once made...which obviously, he's totally thrown out the window in an effort to save his butt and marriage. I hope you do realize that in 99% of these situations, MM *do* exactly what yours is doing because whenever push comes to shove, all of a sudden, they love their wives and want their marriage to work!
When compared to what these MM have told us, it's pretty pathetic!
I wish you strength to get through all of this!
I wrote a very long letter to XMM today, more as a benefit to myself than anything. It is signed and sealed, but not yet delivered. It felt good to write it all down, and though a lot of you will not agree, it will feel even better to deliver it. I do not, in any way, expect any reaction from it... if anyone is the master of NC it is XMM. However, I do feel that I want to start 2004 with a clean slate, including XMM. I need to say all the things I did in the letter, send it to him, and then leave it be. Rest assured I am starting day 1 of NC again. I am certain that I would not want to encur the force of his rage if I did make contact... it should make NC a whole lot easier.
I definitely need to refocus... today was garbage day and I completely forgot to put it to the curb... as well I told my 11 year old D that I would bring her a special lunch to school today because she's having a hard time.... and I forgot!! She called me 1/2 hour later to ask if I was bringing it.... just something else to beat myself up over.
I can't wait for this year to be over.
Thanks,
CG
Lostit
Hello CG.....
I've followed most of your posts and at this point in time I'd like to pipe up with a few things:
1. No, I don't think xMM has the right to be angry at you at all. He is trying to blame you for all of the "problem" that HE created in the first place. xMM is angry at getting caught cheating on his wife with no possibility of being able to lie his way out of
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