His wife called me
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His wife called me
| Mon, 05-24-2004 - 10:22pm |
I started my affair with a MM about a year ago. Since my own ex cheated, I couldn't believe I was doing it myself, but I let it happen and I take full responsibilty for my actions. We both tried to end it several times and we tried to maintain the friendship but we were never successful, so 3 weeks ago after he nearly got caught by his wife for calling me and my MM asked me to lie for him, we started NC. Things were going well and I was moving on, but tonight I get a call from the wife, she wants to know everything. Apparently things have not gone as well for him as it did for me. I didn't lie, and even though I knew it wouldn't do any good I apologized and admitted I'm scum. I let her heap all her hatred on me as she deserves to...now where do I go from here? I feel so low, I should have known better, I did know better but that still didn't stop my heart from loving this man. How do you recover from the guilt and the shame????

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I think that your confession to the BS shows just what a genuine person you really are deep down inside. Now me, I would have slammed down the phone, ran to my bedroom, and hid underneath the covers until my heart rate returned to normal. My almost xMM's wife is totally clueless of this A (or should I say nightmare:), and we have been sneaking around for 4 years. Several times I had almost wished she had gotten wise....the repercussions from that would have forced MM to face his unhappiness (and demons) instead of having them rub off on me. Now I am in the process of pulling the plug on this twisted act of self-hate that is attacking the 1 person I need to count on the most: ME!
IMHO, when anything developes with lies and lust as it's foundation, I can bet that even the sand castles are snickering ;)I wish you the best in your journey to finding that truth we are both searching for.
R2L
Sweetie, I think you sent this to the wrong poster. I was the first one in this thread to tell her she did the right thing. My last post was telling her that she is a genuine person, and what she did reflects her integrity. Having an "A" leads us to do some pretty stupid and dishonest things, but this lady wasn't going to hide that from the BS. She told her the truth, and my "Hats off to Her!"
R2L
I too had a call from the wife. This after many, many aborted calls to me that I could see on caller ID. I am also getting over an A with a MM that I loved. I handled my call a lot like you did. I also wish I had really stuck to my guns on "This is between you and him." I started with that, but caved and let her make her points.
I don't anticipate another call (he and I are really ending it), but I plan on taking the advice you were given: firmly and politely saying I am out of this now, you do not need to call again. Talk to him.
I've also had some fantasies where I was not at all nice on the phone to her (as I was) and said things like "This wouldn't have happened if you were happy etc...) Those thoughts are satisfying for a moment. And then I realize, I did get involved with another woman's H. It's never happened to me. How would I feel? I think we should both feel good about how we handled it. Good Luck.
Pam
I tell you, I am so angry and tempted to return the call telling her to keep her H away from ME. Like I said in my original post, I accept my part for the A, but I don't deserve this. Any advice from the group?
do not do not do not doubt yourself...what is the flip side?if they're sorry they know then they shouldn't have asked.you did not tie him down & secuce him...when it comes to love & lust there always seemsto be only 2 people in the room...i am just beginning to look at myself in the mirror again & say...you did ok,kid...i was sick all yesterday & this morning i have to tell you...i had been on this board yesterday & all i seemed to see was DON'T TELL....i felt like the only **** in the world...well...i'm telling you...you did good kid.you set yourself free.i'm proud of you.
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