His wife died..Im feeling guilty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2009
His wife died..Im feeling guilty
4
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 5:49pm

I have been seeing a guy for over 6 months..I am married 15 years..We live 3 hours apart and met about 6 times.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 7:08pm
Loopieloo,
I'm sorry to hear of your struggle, however this board is for people who are ended. We do not give advice as to whether or not you should wait it out - You might check out the MAS board if you are considering staying in your A. Ending because he is dealing with the aftermath of everything after a spouses death is probably your best choice as he now must pick up the pieces to be present for his children. I hope you will decide to end your A because it is the right thing to do, and not out of retaliation for non-contact or because he can now see others. If he was in an A with you - you should realize that he may have been seeing others anyway. I am sorry for your hurt, and I hope you make the decision to stay and end to get to the bottom of why you are seeking validation outside your marriage.
Much love,
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 7:29pm

Hi loopie,

As Lolly says, we are an endings board so cannot really give you advice on whether to stay or end but what would be a good question for you to ask yourself is: What am I doing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 7:31pm
Honey, it is probably best at this time to let this man go. He has suffered a great loss and will be going through a very tough time for a while, and with 3 small children to care for..well, you need to silently wish him well and move on.

You say you are feeling guilty, well imagine how he is probably feeling? He will have to make peace with what he was doing when his W was still alive. You will always be a reminder that he was not there for her 100% the last 6 months of her life.

Regardless, you have your own family to make up time for, so going NC will give you the chance to make things right again. We will be here for you if you've definitely ended your A and want our help and support.

((Hugs)))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 11:13pm

Do you know for sure, that his wife really died?

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010