Hit in the head with a golf ball.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Hit in the head with a golf ball.
11
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 9:58am

Remember, we never just find ourselves in an affair....we invited it into our lives...due to lack of boundaries and vibes we put out.

That is a quote from a post made earlier by our leader Clarity, and it just jumped out at me, and stopped me in my tracks. Many times while reading a post it just jumps out at me and makes me stop and think.  Sometimes simple things, other times deep stuff.  Sometimes the thought lasts more than a few seconds and I keep going back to it all day, like an earworm. Aaagggggghhh!!!!

I think we all know that feeling that she is speaking of.  I know I did.  It was the fantasy moving into reality when it happened.  I know the first second it happened, and I knew where it was heading. 

I can compare all this to learning the game of golf.  There are so many things to remember if you are going to do it well.  Just learning to swing the club can be so complicated. 

In life, in our marriages or relationships we need to remember all the subtleties of Boundaries, Our Behavior, Our Signals, Our Commitment, Our Deficiencies, Our Desires, Our Needs.

We make ourselves.  We make the relationships that we have.  We are to blame in those failures too.  We must accept responsibility, good or bad. 

Anyways, thanks Clarity for making me think today. :smileyvery-happy:

I'm off to enjoy the day.............FORE!!!

Rather....

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 10:16am
She has the good stuff that has ya thinkin as u drive or washing dishes. Thank the heavens for her!
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 11:12am

Gee...hope it didn't leave a nasty beump and won't effect your game.  I don't know where you hail from and if today is a good golfing day weatherwise.  It's cloudy and overcast today here...south of Boston, but come to think of it, weather doesn't seem to slow you crazy golfers down.  I think I've even seen golfers on links covered with patches of snow...you wild and crazy guys/and dolls.

I hope to one day learn real golf, but I really enjoy minature golf.  Trying to get it past one of those windmills...CLUNK CLUNK..and the balls keeps rollin' on back to me.  Makes me LMAO.

Clarity

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 12:59pm
Agree with TU. I spent so much time trying to believe I meant something and hurting and feeling humiliated that that I was likely one of many women xAP tried it on with st work. Learning that we were were both trying to fill a void and making destructive CHOICES abd enabling each other has helped propel me forwards. I was in a place and had bad coping mechanisms that allowed him to continue whilst the other female colleagues obviously weren't or had more self esteem to reject his advanced and see them for what they were.

This insight is recent for me and rejection and it needing to mean something have been my demons. But like TU, getting this finally is freeing and I have a sense of relief that I can finally let go.

Clarity - id like you to reset my LC counter to Day 1. My LC has been difficult and peppered with fishing. I have always felt engaged in sime level emotionally because of this and have battlef with wanting to remain friends This recent insight was the result of another colleague finally admitting he had been interested in her before i was in the scene I'd had my suspicions always but I have turned a huge corner I finally accepting this A meant nothing and that we can never be friends.

I invited him in when he came knocking. My door is locked and bolted now. Work will be very difficult but the last lingering fog has gone.

I love you guys.

Yellow. X

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 1:19pm

Duly noted, Yellowone...9/9/12 is your NC date.  I was never really quite sure how it would all work with LC so I can only go on what people tell me.  If they have maintained LC to the best of their ability...that's all one can ask.

As angieatpeace has reminded us on several occasions, it's really not a tickercounter that determines how far we've come, it's what we have done on our journey that determines where we are at today; and if we crash and break our wings, it doesn't necessarily mean we've crashed on square one of our recovery.  

But I think most like to have a goal....and receiving our wings is a nice recognition of the hard work we have done to arrive..and has the added benefit of being a power of example to newbies.

I figure if people didn't respond to the 'help me out thread' in which I asked for NC dates so as to have a record...so as to be receive their wings on the correct date, then I figure they just are not into it...and that's okay too.

((hugs))

Clarity

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 1:29pm
Don't get me wrong Clarity - I want it reset for me. LC is not NC and whats needed to do that is a different ballgame. I want NC and I envy all who have. Mine is a mindset change. A 'getting' it moment and a complete acceptance of what reality was. Reset your ticker but don't ever think I am not into it.

Yellow x

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 5:04pm

Wow...this is quite the post for me.  Perhaps if I read it last month it might not have had the same effect.  I still am waivering on the teeter totter thinking I had the A because it was meant to be....BUT....I am starting to have thoughts of what if that was nt what really happened???? And then I stop myself......because that cant be the case right? Because if it is...then it meant I did got out and have an A without any disregard for my family, my kids, my workplace, or XAPs family! Then it means I have to own up to that.  And I think I am really am starting to do that. I am having some moments guys!!!!....and its actually making me quite tearful (even as Im typing) as I really am thinking I am coming out of this fog. I thought I was out of it but maybe only partially. I think I am finally opening my mind to see things differently and hopefully thats a good thing!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 5:11pm

It is a good thing, Lilyflower.  Initially, it's kind of a hard thing...to have to made some admissions to ourselves...but then it becomes a freeing thing.  Okay, I messed up yesterday, but look at what I am doing today to do and be better.

It's great that you are keeping an open mind...it's the only way we can begin to gain a different perspective.

((hugs))

Clarity