Hitting me now...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Hitting me now...
11
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 12:34am

It's just starting to hit me that ex-H is gone...moved out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2010
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 2:35am

mickey.

you will get through tonight. you will feel like crap until you wash your face, brush your teeth and fall asleep. but you will awaken tomorrow and feel less horrific.

you are standing alone tonight--but you aren't alone. who really knows who has made the biggest mistakes? this is not the time to torment yourself.

it is inevitable that you will wonder what you could have, should have done. please don't forget to add what you will do today to that list. even if it is something small...do something to take care of yourself today.

hang in there. i am sending warm thoughts your way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 8:41am
hugs to you mickey. I'm sorry you are feeling so much pain right now. Perhaps you can find some comfort in the fact that you at last realized your marriage wasn't going to work out. one foot in front of the other....
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 9:14am

Mickey


First off HUGE hugs to you. I was in tears reading your post because most of us know that type of pain all too well. We may not all have had this same situation, but the pain... we ALL share that. You are not alone...


Hope today is a little clearer, a little less painful and a little more hopeful for the future. We have all failed on here at some point. We are all on here to make our failings lessons learned in life. Enjoy your moments today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 9:24am

Oh Mickey. My heart is breaking for you and tears are running down my face. I am sorry you are going through all of this. You will make it through. I think you know it's going to be hard and I know how it is to want an instant solution to the hurt. Unfortunately, there isn't an instant solution. What you need now is patience and perserverance. Trust in yourself that you have the strength to deal with the emotions that will descend upon you in the next few weeks or months. As another day passes, it will get a little easier, and one day you will wake up and realize that you made it.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 9:46am
Mickey,
big hugs to you, poor thing. Ending a M, even under the best of circumstances, is horrid and difficult. I am grateful you are out of your A and able to focus your thoughts and energy on yourself and your son - and nowhere near the mental place you were while in the A. It's hard, I know, to find things to be grateful for at this time, but you have that at least. I went through a 'normal' D with a man who really needed to be D'd and it still took a long time to regroup. I felt I failed my family and all of society -- I got over it. You will too. A M that is not working is not worth keeping, as you know, for the sake of keeping up a reputation or whatever -- and, really, your son will be better off in the long run because he will soon see Mommy modeling healthy relationships and attitudes that he will emulate for a lifetime. My thoughts are with you today and I am praying for your strength and peace of mind.
xoxoxoxo
Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 10:05am

Mickey,


You will make it through these next few months by taking it one day at a time, just like when you ended your A. The thing about D though is that it is so final. There is no picking up the phone or sending an email like in the ending of an A, where you can fish you way back into it. Perhaps this is what is hurting you the most; that the M is over and there is no turning back. Because you have a child together though, you will always be connected to this man in some fashion, so it is not like you have lost him forever.


I have been through two D's and H #2 abandoned not only me, but our children. He never looked back and I found out several years ago that he died in a house fire clear across the country somewhere. My children, now adults, went through a very difficult time with this news because I am sure they always held onto hope that someday they would reunite with this man. Now that dream is forever over.


I am telling this to you because there are so many different levels of pain and heartache, but people manage to survive and move on with their lives. You will be one of them as long as you properly grieve this loss, and by that I mean sticking to NC with XMM so you can close this chapter in your life with honor and dignity.


The person who needs you the most right now is your son, and this is who your world should be revolving around at this time. I dedicated 20 years to

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 12:59pm

Thank you to all of you for responding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 1:39pm

Iddy,
Forgive the hijack but I just have to say, OMFG, you have GOT to be one of the strongest women on the entire planet. To have been through what you have, and to turn out like you did.... who does that?? I know, YOU. Amazing YOU. Iddy the Invincible!

holy cow, I'm humbled.
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 7:44pm

Hello Mickey,

How are you feeling now?

I can relate to the sentiments you expressed. I felt that way when my H moved out. I walked around the house like a zombie. The worst was when I opened his closet and it was empty. And when the children saw it, well it was horrible. I still love when I find articles of his clothing in our wash - I feel connected to him in those moments. It has been almost a year and it has gotten so much easier. I have filled in his closet and now I joke with him about his laundry still hanging out here. I am sure it would feel different though if we were finalizing our D.

You have been through so much. I am glad that you cried. It's sad - all of it. Wondering about xAP makes sense to. You're longing for comfort and some ease to the pain. Your brain wants a quick-fix. Now is the time when you dig even deeper and start drawing on the courage you have gained since ending your A. You are stronger than you know, and you are in a good place. Trust yourself to take care of yourself.

We are here for you,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou




Edited 5/24/2010 8:32 pm ET by transcendingus
LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 10:01pm

Hi Transcending,


Thank you for thinking about me tonight.

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