From HL - Newbies need to read this!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
From HL - Newbies need to read this!!!!!
2
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 7:30pm

This may get lost because the title isn't "catchy", but omg, it just struck me between the eyes:

Total NC. This clears the fog.
See a T. You need an impartial person to help you figure things out(why you did this, how to cope with the pain, etc.).
I find the core reason I could not let go. I could not get past my anger towards him. Once I got that out - It died. No more thinking of him. Period.
I had to forgive myself. I made a bad life choice. I decided to reap the positive from it.. I learned a lot, I grew up a lot, and I will never make the same mistake again. NEVER!
I had to stop beating myself up. My T made a point, I took a gamble on someone I cared about and I lost. If it had “worked out” and we had ended up together I would not have regretted any of it. How lucky I was it did turn out the way it did. Now I understand that.
The pain will go away- in time. Time is the key. You can not rush time and time is what it takes.
Learn how to replace the negative and obsessive thinking (research the web).
Find the positive in this experience. Learn and grow because of it. Let it make you a better person.
PUT yourself first. Don’t worry about him. He’ll be just fine. They always are… This is take care of you time.
I remember reading a hundred posts and wondering this myself- does he miss me? Does he care?
I have come to the conclusion- No. The answer is no. I have come to believe that men love/care deeply in the moment. At the time when AP and I where together, yes, he did care. He may have been falling in love. But when it blew up and he decided to stay married and save his own butt, my sun had set. Our moment had passed. His drive, his focus became set on getting back home. Anything from me would have been a bother. Like someone standing in front of the TV when you are in the middle of watching something that is important to you. I am not saying they did not care/love, yes, possibly- but at that time. That time is over. *REMEMBER* When they want you- they are every where. When they don't- they are no where! When they care- they will drive out in a pouring rain to change your flat tire. When they don't care- they wouldn't even call you a cab!
Please don’t go out and start dating until you have healed. I do believe that you will not be 100% over him until you replace him with positive male/dating experiences. But, if you do not find yourself and learn what lead you to the A first, you will set yourself up to meet more bad men or, worse, if you are rejected by a new romance it may take you even longer to heal yourself. You will know when you are ready. I realized just recently that I was. I have met a few interesting guys. They are totally different from the types I usually date BECAUSE I am a different woman.
Two more things- for me this was a really good thing that happened in a really bad way. God had to slam my face in something like this for me to learn. For me to want to change. I had to learn the very, very hard way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 9:05pm

Thanks for sharing N.

The love of his life has now become a nuisance!!!!

Your xAP's X was once a nuisance to him too, he is a broken person N, like us.

Don't worry about his comment, remember IT DOESN'T MATTER what he thinks , says and feels, what matters now is what YOU think, say and feel.

(((((Hugs))))))

V888

xxxxx

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 10:37pm
Nvr
Thanks for posting this. It was very helpful. Lots of food for thought.
MC