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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
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Wed, 02-12-2014 - 1:06am

Hello All,

I came on today because I had forgotten a moniker and curiosity got the best of me. I usually have a good memory but could not recall the moniker for days.  I logged in and began my search.  Once on, I couldn’t help but read some new threads and was tempted to jump in and give support. Then I thought, I haven’t been on for a long time and regular posters might wonder who is this and what makes her think she can jump in with advice?

They would be right. I mean who am I? I’m just a poster like them… just fast forwarded a few years like six or seven…meaning six to seven years—I’ve lost count—out from D-day.  

I could proffer up a whole pep talk. Tell you all about my A, D-day, and rebuilding my M. It might make for interesting reading but I worry it might come across as if I’m so far away at the other end of the tunnel and not focused on trudging through the muck. I fear it would NOT come across as the pep talk that I would want it to be. The “you can do it,” message that I would hope to communicate might be lost in the I’m so far out of the A rendition.

I think it is easier to say. I AM YOU. I AM ALL OF YOU six or seven years ago. I remember the gamut of feelings. How efen hard it was to get through even one day of NC. I remember wanting to let go and at the same time how painful it was.

I hope you won’t be offended that I have no, “way, truth and light” doctrine to share. Just support and the idea that we can all help one another get through the muck.

Much love and big hugs,

E1

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
In reply to: empowerment1
Wed, 02-12-2014 - 6:17am

Hi E1, 

I'm on here still, a little over 1month out, and I'm on another board as well that we are both familiar with ;) I guess you could say that right now I read a LOT about ending affairs, people's stories, how they deal, and its a tremendous comfort to know that I'm not crazy, alone, or a terrible person, and that It's ok to feel, in fact, it's  the only way out, through! I'm not really a poster, I tend to be introverted when I'm in pain, but I read here and elsewhere...a lot!

For me, and I'm sure for countless others, your story matters. How you are doing today matters, what you went through, how you managed, how you felt, it could all be a huge inspiration for pulling someone else out and upwards. So feel free to post, comment, help others...it's way too quiet over here :)

I'm doing this for me because it's the "right" thing to do.... NC since 1/14/14

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: empowerment1
Wed, 02-12-2014 - 11:32am

<thinking face on>...hmmmm...empowerment1...empowerment1...rings a vague bell Wink

Perhaps you'd feel more at home to jump in with advice, which is sorely missed and needed, if you share your story....from soup to nuts...so people knoweth from where you cometh.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
In reply to: ratherbeme
Wed, 02-12-2014 - 8:50pm

E1, welcome home. 

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: empowerment1
Thu, 02-13-2014 - 10:35am

I'm confused by your reticence.  Do you think this is a closed membership and only those who have posted before can have worthwhile advice?  Everyone is "new" the first time they post!  Reading further, you're not new to iVillage message boards, possibly new to this board, but what does that matter? If you've "been there, done that", then you can offer advice to those going through it right now.  If it was long ago, then you can let people know what worked for you in your "recovery".  Or maybe you've never "been there" but you can offer support, or some common sense advise ("common sense", something that's very much lacking in the young people of today!")  As a matter of fact, this and other relationship boards are very slow, the same few people seem to be posting most of the time, and some "new blood" is very much needed.  I'm not an "official greeter" or anything else official, but welcome aboard! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: empowerment1
Thu, 02-13-2014 - 11:42pm

   

Hi Bk,

Congrats on having one month of N/C behind you on your healing path. It’s still early and I imagine there is still a lot of raw emotion. Still a lot to work through moment by moment and day by day.

<<For me, and I'm sure for countless others, your story matters. How you are doing today matters, what you went through, how you managed, how you felt, it could all be a huge inspiration for pulling someone else out and upwards.>>

Thank you for the acknowledgement. I agree and I hope I didn’t imply that I was not intending to share my story. I just prefer to do in as it relates to what others are going through in replies to their posts. I’m happy to openly share any part of it and I am open to questions of course if anyone wants to know any aspects of my A, D-day, rebuilding my M etc.

<<So feel free to post, comment, help others...it's way too quiet over here :)>>

Thanks. I hope my post didn’t imply that I would not post in. I just thought it would be nice to post a little piece first to at least let posters know that I can relate and understand because I went through what a lot are going through also. To let them know I’m not new to the board. I have just been a way for a while is all.

<<I'm not really a poster, I tend to be introverted when I'm in pain, but I read here and elsewhere...a lot!>>

I can relate. I tend to withdraw when I’m in pain. It’s had to put yourself out there when you feel vulnerable. Sometimes you cannot afford to take a hit, experience rejection, or take criticism no matter how constructive a replier is attempting to deliver it. Thanks for posting in an saying hello and giving your N/C update.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: empowerment1
Thu, 02-13-2014 - 11:44pm

  

Hi Clare Bear,

Winks right back at cha…lol

“Perhaps you'd feel more at home to jump in with advice, which is sorely missed and needed, if you share your story....from soup to nuts...so people knoweth from where you cometh.”

You know me so well and know I am more at home just jumping in and replying. I just thought it would be nice to at do an intro  lto let posters know I had an A, a D-day, rebuilt M. I should have also mentioned I remain N/C.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: empowerment1
Thu, 02-13-2014 - 11:45pm

 

Hi Rather,

Good to see you are still here helping Enders

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: empowerment1
Thu, 02-13-2014 - 11:49pm

Hi Fissatore,

I remember you from another board.

Thanks for putting your questions out there and giving me a chance to respond to them.

<<Do you think this is a closed membership and only those who have posted before can have worthwhile advice? >>

 I didn’t think it was a closed membership. I do know from experience especially in the beginning stages of healing there can be a lot of guilt and shame.  Like anything in life, there is a level of comfort in knowing if someone can relate to you based on experience.

<<Everyone is "new" the first time they post!  Reading further, you're not new to iVillage message boards, possibly new to this board, but what does that matter?>>

No not new to the board at all. People who have been away from EAS typically come back and give some sort of an update—some sort of pep talk, advice or something enlightening in their update. I’m not one to follow protocol or tradition. (I do however follow the board rules.)  It is not the typical update but then again, it was not meant to be.  I want to posture myself from the start as not so far out that I couldn’t relate and not esteemed in anyway. I am a VET and all that means as it relates to me is that I am aVeryEnthusiastic andTenacious poster.

<<If you've "been there, done that", then you can offer advice to those going through it right now.  If it was long ago, then you can let people know what worked for you in your "recovery".>>

I agree and I hope my post didn’t imply that I did not intend to reply to posts with support and encouragement. Again, I at least wanted to let posters know a “little” about me as some might have been around for a while and it would seem I just appeared when actually I am reappearing.  I wanted to give some sort of introduction. Sorry if it ended up being a ball of confusion. Unfortunately I’m really good at confusion. Sometimes I think I’ve taken it to an art form.

<<As a matter of fact, this and other relationship boards are very slow, the same few people seem to be posting most of the time, and some "new blood" is very much needed.>>

Sorry to hear that. I for one dropped out when they did that huge board change over a couple of years ago. It was hard to log in, post and for a while there I couldn’t log out even if I turned off my computer. I gave up trying from my phone. I was hoping things would eventually pick up as new posters came on. It does look like it has picked up some since the changeover.

 <<I'm not an "official greeter" or anything else official, but welcome aboard!>>

Thank you for the welcome greeting and I hope the above sheds some light on where I was coming from with my post.

 

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2013
In reply to: ananemus
Sun, 02-16-2014 - 1:35pm
Empowerment, your support is indeed invaluable to all the posters who come in looking for support since you can shed light on how it is after 7 years. Things seem so daunting initially to those looking for support and they begin to wonder if they can go through the next day, let alone the next week. You can validate the NC by using your long-term experiences to the benefit of those who erred in a big way and are making an attempt to get their lives back. Please keep on posting. Anan
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011
In reply to: empowerment1
Tue, 02-18-2014 - 1:16pm
It's funny to me how we all tend to drift in and out in cycles as time passes..... four years out and life has changed so much - E1, you were one of the first to call me out on my self-imposed fantasy and I couldn't have gotten out and away from all of that had you not shared your wisdom, so I'll echo what others have said here - chime in :) It's been a while for me too....
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