Hope this helps someone

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Hope this helps someone
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 10:40am
I was reading through the posts and noticed that everyone always wants to know why their MM can't leave the wife. Let me tell you something. I am going through it right now and it is hard. The fear of change and not seeing the kids everyday is deifnitely a factor. I just left my marriage and I am out on my own now. I have also filed divorce papers. I have been out of my EMA for 4 years, but I still love the ex-OM and I want to be with him. He has been divorced for 3 years and it has driven me nuts trying to get the courage to leave. My ex-OM started dating about a year ago and I couldn't stand it. I kept telling him that I would leave my marriage, but I could never bring myself to leave. I was so scared. I couldn't imagine being on my own. I had also become very miserable in my marriage. I wanted out, but just couldn't get the courage to leave. This past July, my husband and I started fighting about everything and we announced our seperation. I still couldn't bring myself to move out. My husband knew nothing about my EMA. Well, I finally realized that I might lose my OM forever, so I moved out about two weeks ago. I filed the divorce papers this week. My husband was very angry and started threatening me and he told me that he knew about my past EMA. He told me that he was going to beat OM up. He called OM and threatened him. It was horrible. Now my kids and my family know. I am sure that my family will turn on me for awhile. I just knew that OM would hate my guts now because I admitted to husband about the affair after it came out. I called OM and he actually talked to me and he was okay with it. I could tell that he was a little uneasy, but he did't run and hide like I thought he would. We work for the same company, so I see him every day. He isn't coming very close to me right now, but he still comes in the same general area that I am in where I can see him. We aren't talking much until this blows over with my divorce. Anyway, the hardest part for me about moving out was the fear and not seeing my kids everyday. My kids are all grown and in college, so they can live where they want to. They are all boys, so they choose to live with their dad. Now that all of this has happened, I am glad that I moved out. But, it was hard to do it. It has been a real adjustment, especially because I am not living with my boys. I am adjusting though. I don't even know if I will end up with my OM, but I am glad that I made this move for me. So, I just wanted some of you to understand that it really is hard to get the courage to leave your family. But, once you do it, it gets better. Hugs to all of you!