Hope for the Newbies

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Hope for the Newbies
3
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 8:19pm

When I decided to end my A, I stumbled upon this board quite serendipitously. Reading here gave me the ammo I needed to send the final letter and let him go. It was hard, but it had to be done. I reached my "enough is enough" point. The pain far outweighed the pleasure and I know you can all relate because you are all here.

So I read here and I posted here and a swallowed the advice and tough love. And it was hard. It was excruciating. Each second of the clock passed by and seemed to stab me in the heart with each tick. I didn't know how I'd survive those early days, but I took solace in the fact that many here had come before me and made it. I trusted that time would heal all wounds if I was willing to put up with the pain. I embraced the "silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard" mantra.

I had to face a lot of hard truths about myself and why I did what I did. I committed to full disclosure with my husband and tore down the walls I had built around my heart. It certainly hasn't been all roses. I certainly wouldn't want to go through it again... and because I've grown so much, I know that it won't.

So to all the newbies, who feel so fresh and raw and hopeless, please trust what the vets say here. We've all been there and done that. There will come a day when thoughts of xap are fleeting, when you don't feel a piercing pain each time you think of him... I promise. Today, I am 144 days NC. I look back on all of those seconds, minutes, days and weeks and can't believe that I had the strength to break free. But I did- thanks to this board. You take it a day at a time and it will pass. So, please don't lose heart. Stick to your guns. Do this for you. It will be the best thing you ever do for yourself.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 8:58pm

Thank you Jane. I can't tell you how comforting it is to know you have been where we are right now and that one day we will join you.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 9:36pm
Not a newbie but felt like one today...saw xAP yesterday in social setting. My heart stopped beating, I was a wreck. Today I wanted to so badly email him just to say hi. I talked myself off of the ledge. I was in no way going to blow 79 days of true N/C. I made it. Today my emotions have been all over the place...I do still miss what we shared way before our EA started but I can live w/o him. It really does get easier day by day.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2009
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 10:12pm

Hi Jane,

Thank you for your very helpful post. You have proven that, while recovery may be difficult, it is do-able and worth it!

You not only sound like you've found the light at the end of the tunnel, but are holding it, helping direct the rest of us to it!

So, thank you! You are a strong and admirable person!

HLS :)