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| Wed, 08-04-2004 - 12:18pm |
Ok, my A is OVER. It's over and whenever it's over my MM turns mean. He says things in an email that are usually just his insecurity/miserable self taking over..and i blocked him from emailing me, and told him off somewhat in a final email. I was fine till he emailed me yesterday, (My mail controls weren't set right obviously :(..now they are).. and now since yesterday even though I emailed him back --I have had this compulsion to write something more--and really tell him off even moreso...and it will get me nowhere..I can write things and not send them, it still hasn't helped stop this feeling. I hope in a few days it will be over. I don't ever want him in my life again and yet I am so overwhelmed with anger at the way he acts, the way he says things that aren't true in order to make himself feel better. I think he is messed up in general and needs to deal with his problems. A person like that, isn't worth wasting another bit of time on..i know this. But that compulsion to lash back at him..is horrible. I am riding it out- hoping it passes :(

He is a very unhappy man and now needs to focus on his problems because they seem to continue no matter what he does. He can't turn away from his wife who drinks too much---and have a thing going on with me- because he can't even "do" the thing with me ..he's too dysfunctional. Good Lord i stopped having dysfunctional relationships before I met my husband (the most functional, loving man i know).. and there i was being sucked back into the arms of someone dysfunctional again. Have to stop kicking myself for it- nothing else i can do but keep moving on.