How?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
How?
2
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 12:18pm
Ok, my A is OVER. It's over and whenever it's over my MM turns mean. He says things in an email that are usually just his insecurity/miserable self taking over..and i blocked him from emailing me, and told him off somewhat in a final email. I was fine till he emailed me yesterday, (My mail controls weren't set right obviously :(..now they are).. and now since yesterday even though I emailed him back --I have had this compulsion to write something more--and really tell him off even moreso...and it will get me nowhere..I can write things and not send them, it still hasn't helped stop this feeling. I hope in a few days it will be over. I don't ever want him in my life again and yet I am so overwhelmed with anger at the way he acts, the way he says things that aren't true in order to make himself feel better. I think he is messed up in general and needs to deal with his problems. A person like that, isn't worth wasting another bit of time on..i know this. But that compulsion to lash back at him..is horrible. I am riding it out- hoping it passes :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
In reply to: lealavendar
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 1:29pm
Hang in there lealavendar! Be strong! You have taken great steps toward moving on, and there is absolutely nothing to be gained by continuing to communicate with him AT ALL, no matter how much you want to tell him off. It will get you nowhere. You know this. Make a plan of action for how to deal with the compulsive urge -- something you can do to take your mind off him/it for a little while; a change of scenery, a call to a friend, anything. You can do it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: lealavendar
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 7:00pm
Thank you maybekatie--your words were so helpful to me today. I had an email from my best friend also- she said very similar things to what you said..and i was busy all day today- i feel much better tonight. Last night i was wanting to write and this morning first thing too. Tonight i am feeling more calm and able to ignore that urge lol. I am doing soo well without him..and know that ending it without contact was what was most healthy for me. He offers me nothing in terms of friendship- i've slowly realized and accepted..as much as he wanted me to "think" he would be my friend..i know better.

He is a very unhappy man and now needs to focus on his problems because they seem to continue no matter what he does. He can't turn away from his wife who drinks too much---and have a thing going on with me- because he can't even "do" the thing with me ..he's too dysfunctional. Good Lord i stopped having dysfunctional relationships before I met my husband (the most functional, loving man i know).. and there i was being sucked back into the arms of someone dysfunctional again. Have to stop kicking myself for it- nothing else i can do but keep moving on.