How about SUPPORT HOMEWORK???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How about SUPPORT HOMEWORK???
5
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 3:41pm
I know some of you and this includes me are trying very hard to put those two words into action and that is *moving on*. So I was thinking as I was laying in the sun ..."why don't we give ourselves atleast one or two projects a week; write it down if you have to and make it something that will #1 keep you busy; #2 help you grow mentally or spiritually or both;#3 something that you know you probably wouldn't be doing if you still had the affair going on. It can be small things at first then we can gradually move on to bigger assignments as our hurt and depression stages start to fade. The small things can be just keeping a diary (so what if you write about him, but write about the good and the bad, not just the good because then you will fall back into that circle of boo-hooing for him. Or how about reading a best seller novel especially about strong women. I bought the book *The Condoleezza Rice Story* and plan to start on it this week-end, especially if it rains. Oh, and I bought this book especially when I heard that she "delays having a relationship focusing on strengthing herself and her career. Most important she has a strong sense of self worth".

For example, I plan to lay grout and tile my bathrooms (if I screw up, no one will know but its the idea of looking forward to something I accomplished) and next I plan to take Sherry's advice and look into volunteer work. Do you get the point? I think if we remind each other at the beginning of the week of something we plan to do for ourselves we can be the motivators for each other. Of course, we and I do too, have those days where we just want to vent and come to this board to get it out and do nothing else and that's fine too. Like I said it can be small things, even if its saying a prayer for the soliders and meditating for 20 minutes, reading a poem, a psalm, a proverb or dropping off your old magazines to the local hospitals. I am reaching out there trying to move on and yes I look forward to my time at night when I get on knees and after holding it in all day I boo-hoo like its no tomorrow. Missing him and with NC hurts but then I get off my knees and put my bible right next to my pillow and go to sleep peacefully. Please let know your thoughts if you think this will help us all.......rain......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 5:26pm
Hi Rain! You made an excellant point here! Sometimes when we're hurting we get so focused on the pain that we forget about pain management!

My dearest friend is a motivational speaker and gave me a list of questions to start and end my day with.

I'd like to share a few of them here. It takes only a few minutes every day but focuses your mind in the right direction!

In the morning: What is good about my life? Why? What do I wish to change? What am I willing to do to change it?

In the evening: What was good about my day? Why? What would I change about this day? How can I change it?

You're supposed to stand up and look at yourself in the mirror while you ask yourself these questions! Doesn't take long and starts the old brain humming! Try it folks! It works!

These are only a few of them. But, there is POWER IN POSITIVE THINKING!

Avatar for stre2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 6:02pm
Hey Rain... Glad to see you're also handy like me...LOL I do hope you lay the tile down first and then grout it... LOL What are you tiling? Walls or floors? If floors, do use larger tile then 4x4 as it will make your room look larger. If you need tiling pointers, email me (stre2001@mail2world.com) I've done lots of tiling or you may want to check out this website http://www.thetiledoctor.com When I ran into problems, I've emailed this site and did receive good advice. And you're right, ANY accomplishment is very self rewarding. We can start with small goals that will eventually lead to larger goals.... and larger accomplishments!

My goals are (1) To overpower my analytical mind and become spiritually connected to God. (2) Get my house in order and ready to put on the market and (3) narrow down my attorney search. Lots of small goals must be accomplished within each major one.

Good luck to you!

Sherry

Avatar for raspberrykat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 7:59pm
Good idea rain .... I do some of that already. I keep a journal ... sometimes I just doodle in it and make list of things I want to do. I have accomplished some of them, like learing to ride my Harley all by myself, kyaking, water color painting (I took a class)making journals (bought a few books & have lots of ideas). One thing I really want to do, and it may sound stupid, but I've never been skinny dipping!! LOL

My therapist refers to what your talking about as self care. We have to take care of ourselves above everyone else, including our children, if we are not healthy how will we be able to be of help to anyone?

K

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 2:18pm
thanks sweeterblond... i now look forward to every evening just as the sun is going down to do meditation and i am writing these down to go over this afternoon.

i used to make excuses that too much thinking about God's word, too much thinking about changing myself and too much thinking positive only works for others. but "i ain't turning nothing down" if it will stop these depressed thoughts and put me in the right attitude to acquire peace and joy. i remember reading and hearing of people say that "positive draws positive!" i believe that's true, and of course its much easier to just sleep or cry all the time but it won't hurt to try these thoughts to turn my mind around......have a "as close as you can get to happy" weekend....rain....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 2:30pm
thanks Sherry. i will email you over the next couple of days. i bought a small TILE INSTRUCTION book today from homedepot and the large spacers. i figure i will start with the floor by putting down 12x12 tile in my quest bathroom. glad i came across someone with experience in doing this. they make it seem easy on diynet.com (home improvement channel on cable). good luck on the attorney hunt. count on your *woman's instincts* and praying that God will guide you to the right attorney. not one that will be watching the clock to see how much money he can make off of you. have you thought about checking with your church if there are any attorneys listed or maybe is a member of your church. ...blessings to ya....rain