How big of a liar is he???

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
How big of a liar is he???
6
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 8:44am

Well, I've moved on my my dramatic encounter with the XMM a few weeks ago (the sickening recap: he contacted me for advice on his latest escapades - new OW and wife found out about each other and he wanted to talk about whether to bite the bullet and get divorced to move in with this new woman, new OW calls me for explanation as to who I am in his life). I've pushed the entire incident out of my mind, gotten more spiritually centered and recognized that his brand of drama and chaos is no longer needed or wanted in my life.

But I saw my T yesterday and I hadn't seen her since the OW called me so I revisited the incident again. This time, something occurred to me that hadn't when the whole thing was playing out. For those who aren't familiar with my A, it lasted for 2 years and the XMM was planning to divorce his wife. He was actively looking for an apartment for us to move into together when I ended the A. During the A, we saw each other almost every day and were extremely intimate. I met his mother, I met his DD5, and many of his friends.

So back up to the OW's phone call to find out what role I play in XMM's life: is it possible that he never even mentioned to the new OW that he had done this before; i.e. gotten very involved with another woman and got to the brink of filing for divorce and moving out???? Is it possible that he never told the new OW that he had just ended a relationship with another woman named "momesq" when he met her and that at no point in the 9 months since they've been together has he ever mentioned our A? The things we did together, the places we went, it NEVER came up in conversation????? Did he just insert his wife's name in place of mine and represented to the new OW that places we went, things we did, were with his wife?????

I'm not sure if I'm being clear here, but I was a big part of his life for 2 years. Is it possible that the new OW had never even heard my name before she saw it on his phone?

I'm not angry that he didn't mention me to her, but more astounded that he could lie to that extent. Just happen to not mention, oh yeah, I was involved with another woman for the past 2 years, you're not the first woman I've thought about leaving my marriage to be with, etc. Just strikes me as almost psychopathic, to lie to this extent.

I'm glad I realized this because, if he can lie like this, we need to invent a word even bigger than "pondscum" and "disease carrying piece of trash." Thanks for letting me vent. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 1:12pm

Unfortunately, he probably did mention your relationship but put all the blame and responsibility for it not working out on your shoulders. This way he could get even more sympathy from the new OW. Most likely he downplayed your relationship in terms of his role in it and gave himself the victim status. exMM did the same thing with me when we met. It was never hsi fault that his first and second (current) marriage didn't work out and he had an OW before me and I never really got the full story only that she ended up telling his W and somehow got him failed out of graduate school. When I heard that I knew there had to be more to the story but I never got the truth. Hell hath no fury I'd imagine. The disturbing part is that I have come to believe that they don't actually think they are lying -these guys actually believe they are the victims here. Their whole perception of reality is distorted. In my view, they are close to having a mental illness or a personality disorder. There is no limit to how deep and how far the lies can go.

Ivy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 2:55pm

momesq....seems incredible that there are people who can live with themselves like that? But i bet its more the norm than the exception. They wouldn't be very attractive to women if they told of those sordid pasts...mine didn't tell me until nearly the end...he lied right to my face when i told him after seeing how he flirted with me " are you telling me you've not gotten yourself in trouble with other women the way you flirt? nooo..this is just how I am..what do you mean...."

you are smart...you know they dont confess these things to other women when they first meet them unless its an understood thing perhaps between two married people...certainly not to a single woman! They have to test the waters to see what kind of woman she is etc...and then sometimes...they even find a bigger challenge if the woman does have some scruples...and sometimes...they get to like the single woman and don't want to give them up or the effort they put into seducing them...so they dont disclose stuff like that...c'mon...that would make him look like a serial cheater or something!

look up sociopath, narcisstic personality disorder..etc.

I dont think I met one until I was 39...but now I see that I just didn't recognize em...because now ive come across two in just one year.
::sigh:: i wonder why i am attracting or attracted to this time. Must be their charm and sensuality and happy-go-luckyness.....
(gives ya something to think it about)
You are not discovering Mount Everest, you are discovering an iceberg Momesq. KWIM?
Lizzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 7:14pm

MO

>"So back up to the OW's phone call to find out what role I play in XMM's life: is it possible that he never even mentioned to the new OW that he had done this before"<

DO YA THINK????

If he had told her about you would she have to call you to ASK who you are and what sort of relationship you had with Captain Wing Nut HUM.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 10:00pm

((((Free)))), you made me laugh out loud. Captain Wing Nut?????

Ya know, Free, I'm not a stupid person by any stretch, but I'm guessing you could never tell it by the content of my posts to this board, huh? Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 10:16pm

MO

If I have learned anything it is that the most uncommon thing in the world is COMMON SENSE and that is doubly so were affairs are concerned.

I have had the pleasure of getting to know some of the former posters from this and other IV boards that have got clear of affairs and are back on track and I can tell you damn near everyone of them are very impressive women....their not stupid they just got off the beaten path and bogged down in the land of lies and deception a place no woman should venture.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 2:11pm

You're right, no woman should ever go down that road. And would I ever have foreseen the insanity I was inviting into my life when I became involved with Captain Wing Nut, I would have just finished my drink and gone home that night (probaby excellent advice under ANY circumstance, actually).

It's amazing that many intelligent, educated, responsible women can find themselves so confuzzled where A's are concerned. I will say, however, that this recent incident with the new OW has certainly helped me see not only the insanity in this situation but also the sheer hilarity of what apparently goes on in XMM's head on any given day. How in the world could I ever have found THAT attractive????? Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10