how can i forget and go on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
how can i forget and go on?
1
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 7:35pm
I just recently ended an affair that was on and off again for 3 years. I had met this guy at work right after finding out my husband had an affair. This guy seemed to be everything that was lacking in my current relationship. He always knew the right things to say and how to make me feel wonderful about myself. He also had a girlfriend at the time but for whatever reason, that didn't seem to matter to either of us. I thought I had found my soul mate. We had a very steamy relationship without sex for about a year and a half. When he lost his job, that day we had sex. After that we lost contact with each other off and on. When I heard the news that he broke up with his girlfriend, I moved out of my house and left my husband in hopes that I could start a relationship with this guy. After moving out I found out the guy met another woman and supposedly fell in love with her. I was so hurt that I ended up in the arms of another man, a friend of his. It was like I was trying to prove something to him by sleeping with his friend. It worked, because he was pretty upset when he heard the news and called me. But it just seemed as if he didn't want a relationship with me, now that he found someone new. Shortly after that he married this girl because she was pregnant. We kept in contact just as friends,and I decided to go back home to my husband and work things out. Well, after a few months of maintaining a friendship, he started having problems with his wife and the come on's started again. I hate to say it but I always fall for it too. We just recently had sex on new years eve. After that, I sent him an email the next day telling him we've tried being friends and it always ends up as a hook up. I told him we couldn't be friends any longer because we never maintain that friendship level. I haven't heard from him since then. I am very tempted to call him or email him. I feel as if I miss him. I wish I could just forget and go on with my life!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 8:14pm
you probably won't ever forget but you can put it into perspective. I know we sound like broken records on this site but no contact is really the only thing that works to give you the emotional distance you need to see this affair for what it really is -- not enough, not good enough and not worth the mess.

If you can't maintain NC on your own, consider getting into therapy to help you figure out what's going on in you that created a space for the affair to happen. A good therapist can also provide lots of strategies and support for succeeding in making your life better so that you don't reach out for unhealthy solutions like an affair.

Good luck to you!!