How can I stop being a friend???
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How can I stop being a friend???
| Wed, 10-06-2010 - 9:31pm |
I have posted here before but my situation is a little different. I am not having an affair, physical or otherwise. But I am friends with a man that I am very attracted to.

Hi,
I understand your position because you genuinely like him as a friend but find his contacting you troublesome because it brings up feelings for you.
Personally I think the letter is really really good.
>>I have considered just being honest with him and toy with this response:
Hey, thanks for keeping in touch, it's always good to hear from you. I have to be honest though, I have come to realize that some of the feelings I have for you go beyond friendship and are inappropriate. When you contact me, however innocent it might be, I am reminded of that. I care about you and I want the best for you but I have to ask that you not contact me again. I know you will understand and respect my wishes.
Kim is dead right!
Hi NMC,
Welcome to Endings! :womanvery-happy:
I have seen a lot of ending letters/emails/texts here on the boards—probably more than I can count. The rule of thumb is straight forward, brief and no mention of “feelings.”
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
NMC,
E1 gave you a perfect example of what to say with a simple, to the point email, which I hope you will seriously consider.
“My friendship with you is crossing boundaries that I’m uncomfortable with. Out of respect for my husband and my relationship with him, I am ending any further correspondences/communication with you. I thank you in advance for respecting my decision and ask you to not contact me.”>>>
That should do it. Of course after you send this you will probably feel lousy for a while, but remember that you are doing this for your own protection, protecting your M, and implementing the importance of setting boundaries. We all love attention, but it needs to come from the appropriate sources like family, friends, and your H.
((HUGS))
Ouch, this is so very hard becuase 2 years ago I was in the SAME EXACT BOAT who is now my XAP. We work together, we started out as friends (which doesn't it always) but once we put out there we had feelings already involved that was all she wrote, neither of us at the time were strong enough to do what was right and he took me on a long and painful ride and here I am, two years later dealing with having to work with him.
It's hard I know, especially once you BOTH know you have feelings and imense attraction for one another - it's like a big ole pimple that's ready to POP!!!
I don't know what I'd do, when I think back to my situation I never would have told him how I felt for the fact he couldn't handle hearing it (and vise versa).
I agree.
You have set boundries already, and now you would be letting him know that you have considered moving those boundries. BIG mistake.
Just letting going NC with him
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
It's just the way he always reaches out to me. It's always when he has something important come up, like this situation. I believe he's looking for me to give him encouragement, like you would expect from a friend.
I dont know anymore, its confusing.
I now understand why he had to tell me how he was feeling....it's almost unbearable.
I won't say anything though. He would either not care and that would kill me. Or, he would see it as a chance to become more involved in my life.
I have always suspected that one if the things he likes about me is that I won't give in and therefore, I am safer....
It will cause some confusion and hurt for him but I guarantee it's a lot less than us keeping this Quasi-friend thing going. I mean really....who the heck am I kidding here??? If my husband sent another woman an email like he sent me last week, I would be very upset. You don't contact other women to get your ego stroked. Get that from your wife already.
I think I have been rationalizing The reality if what is really going on. This man is NOT my friend. And really what kind if man seeks that from another woman? One that is needy and insecure....qualities i dislike and i obviously have or i would not need his attention so much.....Sheesh....
We will see how ling I can hold out this time--I went 8 months before.