How can you just end it...?
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How can you just end it...?
| Tue, 11-16-2004 - 11:49am |
I am finding it very difficult to end an almost two year love affair. My marriage became distant when my husband began working nights five years ago. It is almost non existent now. I told him I was contemplating having an affair two years ago and his reply was "I can't stop you from doing that" the point is he can stop me by changing himself which he does not do. I have another man who loves me and would marry me in a second. I do not want to leave my marriage and think that being with another man would fix me because I know it won't. I just can't seem to let go of the one person who gives me the love and affection I need and desire.

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I could have written your story. My affair lasted almost 5years and would have gone on as long as I would have let it. I just felt it was unfair to my OM to wait around for something that just didn't seem like it was going to happen any time soon and who knows if I ever will grow some huge ovaries and leave my selfish husband who probably could care less if I had and affair although he never has found out about it. I have been 5 months with NC and it has been the hardest thing I have ever done but also I realize my OM hasn't e-mailed me or called me so maybe he has moved on like I asked him too do. I do wish him the best and some times wonder what my life would be like if I would have left my M to be with him? I guess some things are left to the unknown! I have my weak moments and my strong ones like yesterday. I think the holidays will kill me.
Good luck and Im here if you need support, Lord know's I need it at times.
SOUL
Thanks Soul it is good to know I am not alone. Have you found that since you ended the affiar that you want to work more or less on your marriage? I feel like I have worked so hard for the last 13 years and he (DH) gives me crumbs.
I didn't get your "ovary" comment are you trying to get pregnant do you mind me asking?
-Sad
Oh it makes me so mad as if I'm any less important than him. Now i feel like its a game between us about who ever gives first then the other will give. I know he loves me but not like I want to be loved! sad huh
The way I see it is that I am not ready to commit to another relationship before ending the first one and even then I think I would need some time to regroup. Plus the OM doesn't have all the great qualities I am looking for in a man(he doesn't make enough $ and his looks aren't my usual type)he just has tremendous passion for me that I once experienced in high school with my first love. Then too I was not ready to commit as he wanted me to and most of my life I have regretted that I decided to leave that relationship. Love is surely strange never quite happens for me at the right times :(
Sad,
Its funny you say that about your OM because its the same for me. When you mentioned that in your post I started laughing. My OM is nothing like I would normally be attracted too. He is not very attractive at all and is much older than me so our interests were very different but he was willing to give it a try. One other thing is the sex was not good at all! thumbs down but I guess all of that didnt matter to me one bit because the passion we had and true love you could feel it was the best feeling I ever had. It was better than the feeling I had on my wedding day almost two decades ago. Who would have thought that I would have let him get away? He makes okay money, I make better but money to me is not important because one can have a big bank account, Cars , Nice vacations and be the most miserable person in the world. JMHO. So why do you think you stay?
Me and my OM could talk about anything and we also would laugh about silly stuff. I have kids so that is why I stay. I know I shouldn't but that is my choice. I wonder what life would be if I would have left my H and moved in with my OM? I guess I will always wonder that.
Sad,
I agree if I chose to divorce I would like to be alone a while to find out what I like to do on my own. I would love to date other people, I think that would be interesting. My OM is the first person who gave me the attention I needed for a long time. It matters when you go so long with out then some one comes and dishes it all up with whipped cream and all. He is a wonderful person with faults as we all have. Does your husband know about your affair?
Hi Soul,
No my H does not know about my A and that makes me mad because he doesn't make it a point to know my business. MM is very platonic. We have not been intimate in over two years and vastly growing farther and farther apart. We have both had pretty traumatic pasts but I have chosen to get therapy to help me with my baggage but he doesn't and we have grown majorly apart. When I married him I liked the lack of attention because I was afraid of intimacy but I am not any longer but he still is.
I really appreciate you taking the time to chat here and not judge which I have felt so often by others.
TY,
Sad
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