How could I have been so Stupid !!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
How could I have been so Stupid !!
4
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 12:59pm
My god I am such a fool with NO self esteem. I have noticed lately MM only gets real lovey dovey when he knows he wants intimate contact. Then the other day he tells me him and wife are going to Vegas for about 4 days. They are not taking the kids. So you know they will have lots of time to get it on. He knows from past conversations I do not want to know about them having intimate contact.

All of a sudden it hits me like a ton of bricks, how I am being used here and she gets all of the good things. I have always paid for our rooms so she could not trace it back to him. And I do not stay at cheap hotels. I guess it was worth it to me because he always said such nice things to me and made me feel wanted and loved. Things are crappy with my husband.

Thing is MM is not even all that handsome. When he first began pursuing me, in my head I thought " No way buddy, not in a million years" But before I knew it he had me hooked !! Now I just need to stay strong. The thing that sucks is that I work with him ! Please help me to be strong and stick to ending it with this fool. I can't take my heart being ripped apart all the time. The lows are outweighing the highs now and I don't have anyone to talk to .
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 1:21pm
((Hugs)) honey, it sounds like you are on the right track!!! Sounds like you are really ready to let go & put him behind you. Don't forget the way you feel right now; when you are feeling weak, like you might give in, come here and read and post away!! Concentrate on YOU, and have as little contact with him as possible (ugh, tough to work with an xMM, I'm sure).

Good luck, you are doing the right thing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 1:22pm
RCDiva - First of all, don't be so hard on yourself. There must have been at least something appealing about this man that you would get involved with him. That is how you got "hooked" on him. Maybe it was his sense of humor, or the conversations you had. I think a lot of us can relate to that "what was I thinking?" feeling, but don't be too hard on yourself.

It sounds like he may in fact have taken advantage of you with the sex and not ever paying for the hotel room. It also sounds like he is not making you feel too good about yourself right now, and that should be a red flag to you that you are doing the right thing by staying away.

Are you in NC right now? If so, stay strong, DON'T break the NC, no matter how hard. I am in the same boat, and it is so hard not to respond to the calls/e-mails, but I have been doing it. You will get a lot of support from the people here, and reassurance that you are doing the right thing. Keep your chin up and stay strong!

:)

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 1:47pm
Thanks so much for your replies. I feel so sad . I have even lost my appetite, which is a good thing, but not when it is because my heart is aching so bad.

I was the last one to email him 2 days ago , since he told me about his getaway. I told him I guess this is officially over and he has never answered. In the email I told him I just wanted to know if this was his intentions and he never replied. I just want to hear it from him. He has not approached me at work first thing like he used to when he first comes in . What a jerk. This A been going on for almost a year. He started it and in the beginning i did not know his wife was pregnant unitl another co-worker told me infront of him !!!

Circe I have read about your situation on the other affair board and about his pre cana. What is the latest ?

Thanks to ALL for making me feel better , all of you .
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 3:15pm
OMG, Diva. My heart is going out to you. ((HUG))

My situation is different, but many of the emotions are the same. I also sent an "ending things" email after a weird little incident that told me I needed to, and have had 1 or 2 friendly-ish emails from him, but ABSOLUTELY no acknowlegement that I had ended things, and no contact for a week now. I understand your pain and know how hard it is to hope for a response. my email box seems so quiet and empty these days. just try to remember that you did what you did for YOU. we can't control their feelings, only our response. stay strong, and remember you did the right thing, no matter how, or if, he responds.

I am also so sorry to hear about the way you found out his wife was pregnant. That must have been humiliating, on top of devastating. I had a MUCH lesser taste of that when a really good work friend (who didn't know the situation) of mine told me how she'd run into him and his girlfriend over the weekend at the beach and told me some other things about him I didn't know. It really put into perspective how little I knew about him and that I was not a part of his life. We are ALL way too good for this. You deserve a man who will give you all of his heart, and life. Not the leftovers.

So please join me in no longer giving these man any more of ourselves. It hurts so badly, but they do not deserve us.

Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby