how differently do people behave in affairs?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2011
how differently do people behave in affairs?
21
Wed, 05-25-2011 - 12:47pm

From your experience, how different were you and xAP in your affairs? In other words, were you a completely different person in it? I know the common wisdom - we all put on our best face, freshly showered, best behavior etc. but this is hard to keep up and usually people's "real" selves come out. For instance, someone who is sarcastic will end up being sarcastic within the affair. Someone who is needy or judgemental or constantly complaining etc ... well you get the picture.

So did you behave very differently over a prolonged time? And if you know your xAP from a previous "normal" setting, did s/he behave differently also?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 05-25-2011 - 1:19pm

Why do you ask?

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 05-25-2011 - 8:52pm

I think the opportunity to bust out of our roles and re-invent ourselves


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2011
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 8:02am

I know I behaved differently in my A than I did at home, but I have to tell you I think it was just the opposite of what you are thinking.

At home, I had been rejected and hurt so much that I was not myself at home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2010
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 11:07am

To JUF....absolutey behaved differently.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 11:38am

Absolutely.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2011
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 1:35pm
Sounds like everyone who replied behaved better during the A. Are there people who behaved worse? Perhaps because they sensed the limitations and boundaries, resented the ultimate unavailability or the secrecy and this brought out the worst in them, e.g being moody, angry, etc?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 2:12pm

I'm not sure if I would say 'behaved better' because we are totally misbehaving no matter how much we attempted to behave better to keep someone's interest.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2010
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 6:53pm

JUF,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2011
Fri, 05-27-2011 - 5:46am
That was exactly my situation! Even though everything was really clear from the start, she still started resenting me, and actually mentioned the phrase "holding hands on the street." I felt the same need, but when I tried on two occasions to stop the whole thing by telling her this was not good for her, she came on very seductively and I caved each time. In the end it was I who ended up being left a wreck, because she had quietly found a b/f without telling me for months and then sprung it on me in a rather cruel and gloating way. I think that showed a certain amount of vindictiveness, probably because she resented the earlier situation, and in the end she wanted to leave on her terms not mine, which I can also understand. Good (in an odd sort of way) to see someone else had the same experience, because I thought I was going crazy. When I think of the actual times - especially in all but the initial month or so - I'm glad it's over, but it is still hard to get over it. Even eight months after I last saw her, I think of her every day, because the A met unfulfilled emotional needs that I am trying to work on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2010
Fri, 05-27-2011 - 9:26am

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