how do i
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| Thu, 05-12-2005 - 1:01pm |
okay so this went on for three months ... i am the married female and he is the single male ... we work at the same place (in different departments) but ran into one another at a bar one night and it went from there ... i have never done this before... we were together not even a handful of times ... and he ended it, just stopped talking with me one day, cut it off completely. i tried to be mature since i am older than he is and i was trying to maintain my dignity after feeling rejected. over a period of a few weeks i tried to get him to tell me, via e-mail and phone, what had happened, just so i would know, but he did not respond. i ended up going over to his place one night (i called first, he said it was okay to stop by) and asked him okay, what happened. he said he woke up one day and did not feel right about it, plus his friends were giving him grief. i said okay, that is fine, but then you don't even share your decision with ME? you just STOP talking with me altogether? how rude. and we have not talked since.
but i feel angry, and i have not gotten over this yet. and as murphy's law would have it, i run into him every few days at work, you know, that totally awkward thing (at least for me as the dumpee) where we are the only two people walking toward one another in a hallway. okay, why am i writing again? oh yes -- how do i handle myself when this happens, like it just did a second ago, when we run into one another? the last two times, since i have moved from the hurt "stage" to the "anger" stage, i walked right by and did not acknowledge him at all. both times he greeted me, but seriously, i am angry and not in the mood for small talk. any advice would be so helpful. i just cannot WAIT until i feel nothing at all when i see him. until then, i feel like an idiot because i got "dumped," at least that is how i see it anyway between the two of us. thank you.

FZZ
1)Cool politness on random meetings, your at work be a professional(never let them know your hurting).
2)Address the reasons you let this happen in the first place Marriage problems/midlife thing ETC...Your first concern should be your marriage and were it is at and were you want it to go and were it can realisticely go based on the facts.
Welcome to the board.
Free
FZZ
Most 24 year old males are way to unstable to trust your heart to, and yes the opinions of there friends mean a lot to them.
Your at way different places in life and what you want at 34 is different then what you want at 24 maybe he is smart enought to see that and backed off for that reason as well as not wanting to be the Other man.
Free
fzz,
just be very very thankful that he has stopped it, i know rejection is hard but he did u a favor, at least he realize that in the end it would hurt u and him also
welcome to the board,
max
Hi fzz,
Sounds as though you have received some great advice/ideas here already. I think for you (even though you may not believe it) it was a lucky escape and I agree that you definitely should not feel *dumped*. It was great while it lasted and now you have the unique opportunity to put it behind you and start focussing on what is important to you.
Take care - Liz :)
thanks again you guys. i guess now i feel somewhat badly that i have been cold toward him the last two times we have run into one another. i am pretty sure that in time i will be able to at least smile and say hello, heck i will make myself do that today if i see him (which i hope i do not). it is hard for me to look into his eyes because they are pretty great eyes and they draw me in.
i just need to say, and i hope this doesn't sound stupid, but at first i was really shocked he would want to break it off ... not to sound like i'm all that but i was surprised a 24-year-old guy could/would want to refuse very compatible sx with another person, with no strings attached. i thought it seemed like a pretty good arrangement for us since it only happened once every couple of weeks and such. i guess i was wrong. then again, he does not know that since i started hanging out with him, i think i have only had sx with my H once - i just can't bring myself to do it. so if he (my former "other guy") sat there and thought that i went home and had this absolutely awesome relationship, he couldn't be more wrong, unfortunately. regardless, my thoughts always seem to "make sense" to me but when i throw them out there maybe i really am left of center - but that is familiar to me since i don't like to/usually choose the path a lot of people choose anyway. i'm sure most of you can identify with that. :) again, thanks, and posting here instead of wanting to email him or something (not that i would, but sure, i'd like to sometimes) is helpful.