How do I close this chapter of my life

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How do I close this chapter of my life
4
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 12:55pm
I am so bitter, I can literally feel my blood boiling. I feel so used and betrayed. My friends and family tried to tell me that ex-MM was no good. No, I couldn't be told, I believed every word he said. I wish I could scratch his eye balls out. I thought I was over this part. I realize it is consuming my life.

Last night I started thinking about ex-MM's W, and I'm angry at her too. She held on for dear life, she refused to let me or her husband rob her of her life. She has it all, the husband, the family, the house, the car, the picket fence (which they just got)around the house. She has this fairy tale life. And what do I have......my dignity, regaining my integrity, trying to get back my self esteem. Right now none of those things seem good enough.

There are so many things I want to say to him, but mostly I would love to just destroy his life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 1:27pm
Hey Secret,

I know you are really pissed off right now. I dont blame you- you have every right to be. I know that anger is one of the steps in the grieving process, and that is exactly what we are all doing right now to some extent- grieving. Just try to realize that you are moving forward through this process, and acceptance is around the corner! It may not feel like it now, but you are headed in the right direction, and the pain and anger is necessary to move on. You can do it. We are all here for you.

Oh, and by the way...Yes, MM's wife may have the car, the house, the picket fence, and the marriage, BUT she also has a husband who cheated on her. Think about the things you have shared with him....HER HUSBAND WAS DOING AND SAYING THOSE THINGS TO ANOTHER WOMAN WHILE HE WAS MARRIED TO HER! Honestly, she doesn't sound so fortunate to me. In fact, I think YOU are the lucky one because you have gotten out of this situation and can now be open to meaningful, honest relationships built on trust.

I realized that recently, and actually felt BAD for OM's GF. I used to be jealous because I assumed that she got to LIVE the excitement I found in him 24/7, but ya know? She doesn't she gets to see the bad side, the ugliness, the routine AND her boyfriend cheats on her regularly. He did it before I came along, and he will do it again. I decided that it was a hell of alot easier and healthier to feel compassion for her and be proud of myself for no longer contributing to something that could cause her heart to break.

You can do this, Sweetie! :)

Love, Lily

Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 2:45pm
Great post Lily. You are definately catching on....

Hugs,

~True~

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 2:49pm
Thanks, True.

A large part of that "catching on" I'm doing is because of you, and the others on this board sharing your wisdom and knowlege. It really does help to share what I'm learning with other people, too. I think that's part of the healing process. What better way to learn something than to teach it to others? I think we all *know* what to do, but we just need to force ourselves to believe it. Thanks for helping me!

Love you,

Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 3:46pm
Thanks for your encouraging words. I know I'll make it through this, but it's real hard right now. For some reason all these things that I thought I had gotten over have hit me like "Ivan the terrible", and I feel just as devastated as the millions that this hurrincan has hit.

I'm so ready of this chapter to be closed in my life. I can feel the door closing, but I'm ready for it to be nailed shut.

Secret