How do I end it

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
How do I end it
18
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 12:35pm
So long story short, over a year ago I had an affair with a co worker and have no clue how to end it without my husband finding out. I've tried everything except just telling him it's over. He always threatens to tell everyone including my husband so I have to continue to act like we will someday be together. Any advise I appreciate, I'm at my wits end!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: kellibug7
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 7:28pm

KB

There is only one way as one person said CALL HIS BLUFF, talk is cheap is he rally ready to face consequences like an enraged husband not likely most of these types are COWARDS, next time tell him YES.

Jmho

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: kellibug7
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 11:27pm

kelli,

call his bluff, trust your gut instinct, if he tells ur H, its your word against yours

he is a coward to resort to this, if he cares for u even a little bit he would not do this, this is a sign telling u to run a far as possible from this person

pls be carefull, i suggest u document everything he does from now on, save all his emails, write down the date and time and the words/events u have contact with him

take care,

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
In reply to: kellibug7
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 10:00am
OK so maybe it's me!! Today he kept saying he was done but I kept begging him to stay. he gets so angry that I feel if I say ok, he'll flip out!!! How do I just say alrigth, we'll go our seperate ways??? Please help me, I am losing it!! If you are out there and have been the OM or OW then let me know is he really trying to break free?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
In reply to: kellibug7
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 3:02pm


Hi Kelli

I am with everyone else on this one, PLAY HIS BLUFF. You need to show him no fear because I think he is feeding off of it. Let him know that if your Hubby where to find out it would be his word against yours. Deny everything even an e-mail can be forged. Let him know he is in a loose loose situation no matter what he does. Act like you dont care what he does. Brace yourself and be strong dont let your guard down with him.

Good Luck
Ladybug

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
In reply to: kellibug7
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 7:19pm

First, you have to stop second guessing yourself. If you really want this to stop, tell him no and say it with conviction. If he senses you don't mean it, he will continue to bother you. No matter what happened in the past it is his word against yours. You can say that because of his stalking behavior you did what you did, said what you said in the emails to protect yourself out of fear because this guy scared you. Call his bluff. He can threaten all he wants. No one in a work situation wants this kind of trouble.

Tell him to leave you alone. His threats are idle ones. If he makes good on any of them ( and I don't think he would - he seems like a coward who enjoys torturing you)just deny everything. When people are put in a situation like yours, it is not unusual to keep going along with it because they are scared - if he does do anything, use that as an excuse for why you did.

But do yourself a favor and stop this right now. Tell him you do want him to move on and have no more contact with him. Period. He won't call your H. If he does, just tell your H he's been sexually harrassing you for a while and because you aren't responding to him, he's trying to involve your H just to make trouble. Personally I don't think this guy has the guts to do it.

Fire

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
In reply to: kellibug7
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 12:49pm

So I still have not found the strength to just say it's over. He is begging me to make a choice and I am too afraid to say, no I don't want you in my life. I can't find the words. i am just so lost and don't know what to do, why do I keep doing this to him. I just read another message fromt he other side and you all are so right. We the married ones are really hurting the OW or M. Just reading the pain they are going through kills me. I am so sorry for what I did to him and my H. But how do I make it stop!!

Bug

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
In reply to: kellibug7
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 11:57am
hjpm ET ET by despr8housewife2005


Edited 5/10/2005 8:19 pm ET ET by despr8housewife2005

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