How do I get over this?
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How do I get over this?
| Fri, 02-25-2005 - 5:38pm |
I have been going thru hell in the last 70 days. I was happily married for 10 years with 2 beautiful kids. I was having an affair with a colleague at work. I dont know whether to call it an affair but I guess most people would call it an emotional affair as I used to talk to this man a lot, mostly about work sometimes not about work but not much personal. I started talking to him when I saw him leave a meeting angrily and I called him up to advice him about handling problems with Boss(I had done this earlier with a girl friend). He thought I was being very supportive and then he called me up very frequently to talk, I too responded to his calls. Then I went out for a coffee once with him(in fact I had called him out for coffee). Then I took a ride from him when my car was getting repaired. And then there was this day when I had to stay back at work becos of some concert and I went out for dinner with him, had wine(I dont drink usually but get drunk even with a 6% alcohol drink) and later responded when he kissed me in his car(there was some fondling but no intercouse or touching anywhere below waist, in fact I did not touch him anywhere below his neck). Immediately I was guilty. This whole event from start to kissing happened in 8 days. I could not sleep that night becos I thought I loved my H dearly and here I had cheated on him. I have been brought up a strict catholic and cheating was absolutely unacceptable and I was supposed to be a very good girl(literally good doing never a wrong). Next day I told my husband part of it like he had pushed me away as he was not paying attention and that I was attracted to another guy. I knew telling my H would end everything. As this was caused more by secrecy. My H started reacting slowly to it initially for 2 days he was trying to guess what happened. Then he wanted to know everything and slowly he came to know of everything. He was totally in rage and I was truly remorseful. I did whatever he asked me to do(I quit my job, I was ready to go back to my parents even booked my ticket, then he asked me to cancel ). He was totally pained, I could see that and I was disappointed in myself too for letting myself down and being weak and self destructive. I am very very remorseful and depressed. The dr. even prescribed me anti-depressants. I feel my ability to be happy has been completely lost and my ability to make people around me happy has been completely lost. I feel everyone looks at me judgementally. I feel everyone around me is righteous other than me. I feel I ruined my kids life and would never be a good mother. I try to say this is a mistake(ever in my whole life 34 years). But the guilt and remorse overrides everthing. Will I ever be happy? Will my life be like this hence forth? Does anyone have any answers for me. Most of time I wonder why should I live this worthless life.

Very
What you did was very foolish no question about it, BUT I think you guilt may be causing you to over react a bit.
If you and your husband use these events to seek MC to address the issues in your marriage and YOU seek individual counceling to address the WHY you choose to involve yourself with this OM then your marriage can come out of this stronger with better COMMUNICATIONS then it had in the past, if you both can look at this as an opportunity to tackle the problems to gether then your family can have a great future together.
I suggest that you invite your husband to read your post, if he sees your genuine remorse and the fact that this whole thing was very brief and limited in scope it may help him deal with it emotionally.
Free
~VR~
Yes, you made a mistake but you have my admiration for facing up to it. Telling your husband took great strength on your part. Not too many women have that kind of courage and you will see that with time, your marriage can become stronger than ever if the two of you are committed to working on it. Your husband is in pain, so give him as much time as he needs to get past this.
This
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The reasons YOU CHOOSE to do what you did are to be found in you and you alone, with the help of a GOOD councelor you can learn the truth and use that knowledge not screw up again.
The fact that you are genuinely working on dealing with YOU issues that lead to this may help your husband see that you are a good risk in the future.
Can you get back what you had YES "BUT" it will not be quick or easy, the damage done to your husbands trust in you and his selfworth as a man and person could take years to heal, be prepare to spend years repairing the dammage of 8 DAYS.
The OM has just shown his lack of CHARACTER some men have HONOR some do not, do not worry about him focus on YOU, you did what you did for YOU and know other reason, deal with your own issues and there is no slug in the world who will be able to involve you in this sort of crap a second time.
jmho
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