How do I handle this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
How do I handle this?
5
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 10:49am

My A ended it the end of September 2011, so almost 7 months ago. xAP ended it, I wanted to, knew I had to, but he was the stronger one. I fished a few times afterwards, but no response from him and for that I am grateful because it has helped me to move on from this painful situation.

I found out last week that xAP will be working on a project in my bldg-probably beginning sometime this Summer lasting six months to a year. I saw him in my bldg last week from afar, he did not see me. I work in a small bldg. I will run into him at some point. I don't want to run into him. I don't want to speak to him. I don't want to make small talk. He is not my friend.

Please tell me what I do when I see him-when our paths cross in the hallway. I don't even want to say hello. He is not my friend. He hurt me. This has really thrown me for a loop. Why does his company have to do the job?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 11:15am
Hugs JerseyGirl, that kind of sucks!
I know he hurt you and he is not your friend (thank goodness we are finally "getting" that right?) and I don't think you have to make small talk.

But, I think you will feel better if you are civil. Treat it like you are in a LC situation. No small talk, just be polite and businesslike.

Some of the.posters who have LC.will be abke to help a lot.more than.me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 12:14pm
Hey JG,

I know we all handle LC differently, depending on how much actual professional contact is required.

From what I understand, he will only be working in the same building as you - therefore my approach to this would be - and I believe the only approach that works and sends the correct message is - do not talk to him, don't even aknowlegde him. If you walk past him - look the other way or down.

I do this and it works really well - he'll catch on that you are well and truely out of bounds. And who cares he thinks your a total bee-ach.

Just my thoughts from a LC'er for 3 successful months in hell.

WGO
Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 12:39pm
JG sweetie - good to hear from you

Take it easy honey - you've got this. Follow WGOs advice from the outset. Avoid and do not acknowledge at all. You have the power in all situations regarding seeing him. You ARE NO LONGER INTERESTED. everything you do needs to shout this message out to him. If you have to speak for work reasons then keep your voice low and steady and do not smile.

His ego will only take so much if this before he takes flight.

Remember - you are in control of yourself. Stick to this and he has no influence over you. Reread all the LC stuff in the healing library. Be prepared for some emotions but rude them and do not act on them.

I know you will do this.

Yellow xx

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 12:39pm
Sorry for typos! Ride the emotions out! Duh.

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2011
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 3:02pm
JG Sweets this is too bad and I am sorry for such a curveball. You have some excellent advice already but I will add a few thoughts. Part of why it is so troublesome is because seeing him is a reminder of a horrible time in your life. It is like being 7 months out of a scary accident and then having to revisit the scene when you are just starting to heal. The one thing you can control is you and your reactions. And even if the wreckage is right there again, YOU are not the same. So even though you are not indifferent or fully healed, you can still tell yourself you are not that person anymore. I think the key to maintaining composure is to remind yourself that you are fine no matter what he says, thinks, or does. He is irrelevant in your life now so he doesn't need to know anything about you unless it is a professional exchange. He can't hurt you anymore, Honey because the new you will not allow it. Protect yourself by avoiding as much as possible. Who knows, it might push you further along in your healing because you will realize even more that he simply is not worth any emotion. People who hurt us don't get that luxury. We are here to prop you up so post in a lot. Love and a big ((squeeze)) for strength. GH