How do I know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
How do I know?
32
Thu, 04-14-2011 - 10:41pm

Here's a quick question that's been bothering me today: How do I know whether I'm making real progress or whether the shelter provided by NC is just concealing the work that still remains to be done?

I'm coming up to three months NC and - on the whole - I feel centred and content.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Sun, 04-17-2011 - 12:52am
Kat! I can't help but laugh a little at your friend's reply! (well handled by the way) Just goes to show ya that you never really know someone. NObody that I know would ever suspect I was having/grieving over an affair for the last 5 years.

Hang in there.. Get it done and get out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Sun, 04-17-2011 - 8:37am
Keep going Kat. Daily visual triggers are very hard but you have the ability to let it wash over you.

Keep breathing, hold firm, get your job done and head home knowing that next time will be easier.

Take care

yellowone Xx

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Mon, 04-18-2011 - 12:43am

Kat

Just wanted to cheer you on to get it done and get home! Triggers are draining:

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Mon, 04-18-2011 - 5:09am
Thanks Chechi, Yellowone and Melinda, As soon as I got to work this morning I felt so much stronger. All day I was surrounded by bright, thoughtful, inspiring woman. Their energy and passion for the work that we do lifted me so much higher than any encounter with JAM ever did. A lot like EAS really :)

Hugs to you all (from a warm hotel room somewhere in the antipodes in the middle of a freezing Southerly storm which is blowing straight in off Antarctica)

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Mon, 04-18-2011 - 7:27am

Kat,

<<

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 04-18-2011 - 9:39am

Kat,

Triggers are horrid to deal with but doing so with the appropriate attitude just makes you stronger!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2011
Mon, 04-18-2011 - 2:41pm
I too struggled with wondering if I was making progress the first time I broke NC. I, mistakenly, believed that I was strong enough to have contact, to say "hello" and test my resolve and possibly be friends. Now I realize that was about as ludicrous as suggesting that an alcoholic go to a bar and take a couple shots to see if they are recovered. I got swept back into the A and spent the next 7 mos. Going back on the destructive roller coaster ride that I had gotten off. I am now 4.5 mos. NC and I realize that I have to stay the course. I still miss my exAP but the pain has diminished. I am now concentrating on ME and why I gave in to such destructvie actions. Trust me, everyday of NC is a testament to the fact that you are improving.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011
Mon, 04-18-2011 - 4:17pm

If I were you I would be looking for a little local job and not this tracking all over the place on planes when you have a family. That is not the way to live!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Mon, 04-18-2011 - 5:48pm

Jeannie,

I don't know what ball park you are batting in today, but your posts seem to be off the wall. What a poster does for a living is none of our business. Please keep your responses to the issue at hand and make sure they are about support and advice re. what the poster is asking/needing.

Thank you,

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Tue, 04-19-2011 - 1:41am
Thanks Iddy :) I appreciate you watching out for all of us to make sure this Board remains a safe and supportive place.

Jeannie, I love my job and I feel enormously privileged to be able to do the kind of work that I do. I also accept that my travel contributed to my A and I have reorganized my schedule to avoid overnight stays in xAP's city as much as possible. It hasn't been easy, but long term I think I'm making the right decisions for myself and my family.

Kat