How do I know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
How do I know?
32
Thu, 04-14-2011 - 10:41pm

Here's a quick question that's been bothering me today: How do I know whether I'm making real progress or whether the shelter provided by NC is just concealing the work that still remains to be done?

I'm coming up to three months NC and - on the whole - I feel centred and content.

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Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Fri, 04-22-2011 - 1:56pm
I think you're a pretty smart cookie, Katniss. :) Your posts are lovely, and I'm really enjoying watching your progress. Go you!!

I totally get your point about how you've had to cut back on some of the solo activities that you were doing since your d-day. Rebuilding trust is important, and easing your DH's anxiety where you can is admirable.

Just...don't get about you in the process, okay? Pay attention to your feelings, and be aware of them, so that you don't start down a bad road with them. (Happy to spend more time at home and give up things I liked doing to make you feel better is fine as long as you are happy to do those things - but not so fine if you don't stay happy and start to veer towards resentment.)

You still need some "you time" somewhere, in some form. Hopefully, you and your DH can talk about that, how to meet both of your needs on that front. There are always solutions - no matter what the problem. I hope you find one that works for both of you. :)

Hugs,

Kim

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Fri, 04-22-2011 - 5:43pm
Thanks Kim :) My H is also putting much more effort into our M which means that we've been able to do some wonderful family activities at times when I would usually have been in my own.

I will take care to avoid feelings of resentment. That's good advice. :)

Kat

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