How do I make it??
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How do I make it??
| Thu, 02-17-2005 - 9:12am |
I'm trying SO hard not to email or call my MM, I don't know if I should say 'x' or not, how do I know if he's an x if he hasn't told me am I suppose to guess?! I mean my god is that fair? Yesterday was awful, I couldn't function I did absolutely NOTHING all day long, for what a MM? How stupid is that? Why is it I'm stuck, right here right now and can't move on?! I SO want to call him, it's his day off so there is NO reason he can't call me or email me, why has he chosen not to? Did i mean that little to him when i thought I met so much too him. I'm just dying over here with the wanting to call, email whatever.............thanks for letting me post
M-

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Hi m,
There aren't any straight answers. Alot of us here have felt and are feeling what your going through. All I can say is, don't assume what he is thinking or feeling and try to understand that this is how he wants/needs to deal with the situation. Remember, they were not ours to begin with, they have other responsibilites that cane first long before we came along. Also, the best thing to do is to realize that we are in control of our own feelings/thoughts. It's up to you to stop allowing yourself to dwell or how long to hurt. When you feel the urge to call, tell yourself why you shouldn't. When you feel the urge to send an email, write down why this relationship is really not what you need/derserve. Keep busy and focus on yourself, that's who you should really concern yourself with. Is it easy, HECK NO!! But remember, in the end, you are #1, no one else. Dwelling on whether he will contact you or not, is not going to make it happen sooner. You initiating it, is placing yourself in his control. You should keep control and you can!
Hope this helps somewhat.
Good luck,
Doves
M-
Dear moe,
I am not sure at this point, "how we are going to make it?". I am taking it 1 minute at a time, now. I feel ok in the AM realizing I must get up, take care of my family and go to work. At work, I do fine until I have some down time or something reminds me of her. When that happens, I quickly redirect myself to a conversation happening around me or I start one. Luckily, I have a job that requires a lot of attention (not an easy task for a person with ADD). The time that hurts the most is, now. Now, is the time I would have been speaking to her; now is the time when I would have been soaring in the clouds with feelings of happiness or embedded in deep conversation about who knows what. Routines are hard to break especially when they have such a high reinforcer-her.
I've taken many DEEP breaths to push down the anxiety and push back the tears. I try to exercise to relieve stress; I've reminded myself how beautiful my daughter is and how proud I am to have her in my life. I've taken a closer look at what was happening to her durng my selfish time with OW. I've journaled volumes trying to come to some type of understanding; I play a thousand-and-one different scenarios in my mind to come to come to a resolution- I always choose the one that hurts the least. Denial?, maybe.
Right now, I need to believe that what is happening is the best thing for both of us(me and OW). I still love her and want her in my life, but I also want the best for her and me. Righ now, *the best thing* for the two of us seems to be mutually exclusive. moe, we can get through this-I know it.
Today is the first day I haven't cried-so far. Writing to you (someone who is empathetic)is more theraprutic then you can imagine.
Thanks for listening. In time, we'll be OK.
gal-winnie
Thank you Gal, it means so much to have you take the time out to write me. IT's been a tough night but I've made it so far, I've cried but right now I'm good. Your right habits are hard to break, the hardest for me is 1:30-3pm when we would talk on the phone and than he would get his girls and than again after work when we would of met up. I let my emotions get in the way and it scared him right off, but it's ok. I'm only human and couldn't help but fall in love with him and he made me feel SO wonderful, it was the best. I hope someday to come to terms with this all and look back and smile but for now I feel like I'm dying inside. I know Gal we'll get through this one minute at a time!!
((((((HUGS))))))
M~
hey gal,
r u a single dad ? just wanna know, there are not a lot of male posters in the board , just want to get more info on a male perspective
u r right, habits are so hard to break, i too am having a hard time, i cant concentrate at work since i worl in the same floor with OW
good u have your daugther u can re-direct your focus, for us single men or women on this board i find it hard to find things to occupy my mind, i seem to be thinking of her all the time
i take tylenol pm at nite to go to sleep
what a life
max
Sorry Max, I wish I could tell you that you found a fellow, male poster, but no, I'm a woman. My story is very complicated and layered so I don't want to waste anyone's time whining about it, but if you'd like to e-mail me, I would definately share my woes. I believe you click on my name and then click e-mail.
I have been following your progress and I hope today was a little easier for you. I feel in your posts that you seem to be gaining strength every day.
I do wish you the best and, I can't spare much but, I send you strength.
gal-winnie
Moell, why are you willing to be a part-time partner and settle for crumbs? Your post is about worrying about what your MM is or isn't going to do.
What about you?
What are you going to do with your day today? You're single, right? And fully available, right?
So why are you willing to be just a part-time thing?
1/2 a loaf better than no loaf syndrome?
You offer a full loaf to your partner. Expect and require no less in response.
With that full loaf attitude I think you won't spend any further time wondering about someone who has to lie in order to be with you.
JMHO,
cl-nre
Hi Moe, I don't know your story but I can relate to your not knowing if MM is an X or not. I haven't heard from my MM for just over a month now. I guess I am to assume that it "is over".
It does hurt not knowing what happened. And the 1st couple of weeks I sent a small email at the beginning of each week, just asking if he wants to talk or get together.
And I never heard anything back. At first I was sad and hurt (I've been thru this several times with him in the past 3 years). Then I just get plain angry at him. What gives him the right to treat me this way? I would NEVER have treated him like that. I would at LEAST would have TOLD him if I was going to end it.
So I have decided that I am NOT going to give in to the urge to try and contact him again. And make myself look pathetic, while he's just sitting wherever he is, knowing that I'm trying to reach out to him and he's not responding. Why should we give them the SATISFACTION??? OF LETTING THEM KNOW THEY HURT US???
DON"T give him the satisfaction!!! Keep the NC and keep your dignity!! Take care,
Dusty
hi moeell,
cl and dusty have a point, why settle for second best and feel like a spare tire, i did thought about it also
i told OW that i was willing to wait and just be there for her whenever she needed me for anything , i dont know why i said it, i think i was desperate at that time , and then i figure out that its not worth it, she will be doing her thing and ill be waiting for her all the time
she has her kid and she keeps busy, i dont have no one and will always wait for her, not good i thought, i know it hurts not realy knowing what the heck happened but it just best if we move on, im trying realy hard to do what i say
find someone who will love u for what u are, find someone who is single and have no bagggage so to speak, when i am ready agian, i will never be involve with someone who is attached in any way, ill just run as fast as i can when i see them or if they see me
it not worht it at all , all the crap we go thru
max
"What gives him the right to treat me this way?"
Not what, who. That who is you. You give him the right to treat you as he does because as your post indicates, this has happened before, several times. Yet regardless of how he treats you, when he calls, you continue to have sex with him.
Why should he care about your feelings? They've never mattered before; you always took him back. As for the satisfaction of knowing he hurt you? Probably the last thing on his mind because you continually allow him to get away with hurting you.
regardless of what he does to you, how long he ignores you, in the end when he calls you again and gives you his excuse, you give in and give him what he wants...Your vagina.
Sadly, if he wanted anything other than sex from you, he would not have ignored you and continually hurt you as he has done over, and over again. Just so you know, you being hurt will be a regular occurrance as long as you continue to give in to him when he calls.
It's up to you. When he calls again, are you going to see him after how he's treated you over the years?
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