how do i make OM a part of my past?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
how do i make OM a part of my past?
7
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 9:03am

keeping nc for me has been really hard. deep inside i did not want our friendship to end. last wednesday i sent him an email telling him how much his friendship and what we had done meant to me and that i wanted to stay friends and communicate through msn at least. OM replied and said we were friends but only socially through the circle of friends.

i realize that no matter how much i try to keep what we had going, its not what he wants.

i NEED to get over him because it is consuming me inside.

i feel hurt that he rejects me. i feel hurt that he just moved on. i feel hurt that what we did did not mean anything to him.

i know thats its over.

but how do i make peace with myself. i am sooo hurt?

how do you move on and make him a part of the past?

thanks 4 listening.

upsidedown

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2005
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 9:10am

I'm struggling with feeling like I was never cared about too. I don't have any answer just thought you should know that you're not alone. I'm hoping the pain will subside quickly and I try to look at only today and the very distant future when this is all behind me.

I also try to look at it like everything happens for a reason. I don't know if you are single (I am) but I try to think that he wasn't meant to be part of my life and hanging on to him would stop me from my destiny, whatever that may be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 9:18am

Upsidedown

I am struggling with gettigng over my xMM right now too. Today is day 5 of NC and I am just a wreck. Although our A's all end for different reasons I think the same approach applies. First off your MM is pretty clear that he wants it over so you have to respect that. Respect yourself enough to not try and "talk him out of it". That is what got me thru this frist week. ALso as far as puttign him in your past you need to start with NC..that includes emails and text messages. It is really hard but each day that goes by as much as you will feel like it is another day apart you will also feel proud you made it. Eventually it is a part of acceptign it is over but this is too new to conceptualize that. For now I deal with the here and now..the day at hand and just make the decision not to call today.

I know how hard this is believe me.. feel free to email me if you need to

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 10:30am

Upsidedown,

Hmmmm...funny that so many of us seem to be going through this right now. I know xOM loved me, but I am struggling with how he got over me so quickly. I still think about him everyday and I still miss him. Do I think he feels the same way about me? I doubt it! And that sucks.

My therapist says that it doesn't matter how he feels or what he is going through. I need to focus on myself and my H. She also said that because we have NC, I can imagine he's going through...just about anything. I can imagine that he is crying himself to sleep every night and struggling with wanting to pick up that phone. Some days imagining that is easier than others...

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2005
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 12:08pm
It's too hard for me to picture him crying, unhappy, etc. I think this is because I know it's just simply not true. I think it's easier for me, personally, to know that he just didn't care at all and he's back where he belongs. Well, Maybe not easier, but I think it is the right step towards acceptance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 10:06am

Upsidedown,

How? Don't write him. Don't call him. Don't make efforts to sort of "run into" him. Don't listen to "your" songs. Don't fantasize, idolize, romanticize him. Don't question it. Don't "what if" it. Put it rest for good. Sure, you'll still think about him. You can't help that. But take him off the romantic cloud he was on, as with us all, and put him where he belongs...not in the real world. Hell, picturing him picking his nose and eating it...something to take away that fantasy thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 11:15am


Hi Ups,

Wow this man really did you alot of harm emotionally. After all this time I was hoping you would be better, and rid of those feelings towards him. Well maybe not rid of the feelings but at least moved on. Its hard to make someone a part of your past.the memories are always going to be there and I can honestly tell you that as good as I feel that it is over between OM and I, and you know my story, I still think of him everyday. I beleive the hardest battle is the emotional healing specially when you end up falling in love with OM. For me that has been the hardest, but I made it a point to get over this as best as I could. Everyday is a battle, but I have found the strenghts to move on. NC is so important in the process of healing. YOU NEED TO FIND THAT INNER STRENGTH, You need to know you are better than him and tell yourself that he is so not worth it. He has told you it's over, I think you need to try to look forward to if not yor Hubby than someone outthere that is worth your every breath and emotion you have to give. Someone who deserves what you have to offer, Its obvious that someone is not him.

I know you can be strong, its all willpower and strenght.

Take Care.......
Ladybug

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 2:44pm
It's been a month of NC for me too. Damn it's hard but i'm FINALLY starting to realize that going over there right now would just make me feel stupid afterwards. He's not worth it & there is someone else out there who would appreciate me & want to spend time w/ me (w/o me having to beg). We just gotta hang in there & keep busy. It's hard when i'm bored with nothing else to think about but xOM.