how do I move forward, first post, so hurt and the pain....omg, can't stop the tears

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2011
how do I move forward, first post, so hurt and the pain....omg, can't stop the tears
25
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 12:44pm

Hi,

I am new here, I have been searching online for a safe place to get support, where I won't be bashed as some other sites don't offer what looks like healthy support for someone going thru this. I am trying to learn quickly (so I can understand) the lingo...abbreviations. Is there a list of them somewhere?

Here goes my pathetic story. I have been in a three month A, my first. I am married (17yrs) , as he is and was not looking for an A, he was and although I knew that from his profile on this site I never paid too much attention to that. Yes, we met online, I was lonely as husband was out of town, we had recently a rough four months in our relationship.....very rough, lack of communication.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2011
Foggy
I am so not sure I can do that, blocking his number! We haven't really had goodbye, I have things to say......I am proud I have not replied. I do appreciate comments on Dday, that thought horrifies me. It does....now I am feeling guilty for not replying to him........holy this sucks. What have I done....i will consider the blocking......I will. Thank you.........
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
I just want to give you a great big hug and tell you that you will survive this and you will get through this...in time. You have done the right thing in ending it. Iddy and many others have the best advice to follow...and it truly helps.
Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010

mic

I hear your pain lound and clear and i too have been there!

Follow the following best advice:

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
mlc
pls tell me your still with me and you made it through last night?.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2011
Are you serious? You are telling me that many of you that have had A's are told the marraige is sexless? I believe him, OMG what an idiot I am. I admit I thought it wasn't true in the beginning, but we talk about it a lot, he knows it isn't healthy as it has been three years.....which is why with the upcoming adoption he is trying to start to work on that for the children.......which is why he did his infamous pulling back a couple of weeks ago after he booked the Couples weekend....
I wake up and once H leaves....I start to cry......I can't do this for another whole day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2011
Hey, I am with you.....I made it through.....I didn't reply but it was the hardest thing I have done........ I have to admit seeing "miss you" was nice but hardly enough.......I am dreading this day. I wake up and he is the first thing in my mind, I miss him so much. We were so close........he is also a good friend, we shared everything we did, throughout the day. It is so lonely........I hate this. How are you? Have you blocked his number as I have been advised to?? I just can't yet.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2011
Hi Iddy, I am trying to access these above links and it says page cannot be found, am I doing something wrong? I would love to read them....thank you...
I made 24 hours NC, feel horrible but I am glad I have this great advice and support, I truly thank everyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009

This new board (they upgraded it in Oct.) is burning my toast! ;-) Those links were working yesterday. Okay, I took them all from the healing library, so you can find them there too. Just click the " view more" button located in the lower right corner of the HL section and it will bring up all of the threads. You will find them as you scroll down.... I won't waste my time doing that again. I will bump up the abbreviations thread so it should show up at the top of the HL section. I will also bump up a couple others that I think are important for newbies to read too.

And yes, APs lie about having a sexless M. I was fed that crap too and bought into it just like you have. Ask yourself this. How would they even know they had to adopt unless the tried and true method wasn't working? I can only imagine what the two of them have been through in order to find out they couldn't have their own kids. You need to trust us when we say that all is not as it seems. You only hear what he wants you to hear, honey, for keeping you on the sidelines. He pulls back because he knows he will never be able to give you what you really want...and let me ask you this. If he did leave his W for you would you end your M for him? I've only see this happen a couple of times on this board and guess what? The woman left her M only to find out her AP changed his mind and decided to work on his. Devastation all the way around.

Bravo on getting through your 1st day. If you want this madness to end...keep on going. You've been given some great advice and if I were you, I would read it over and over again.

((Hugs))

PS It looks like Foggy has already bumped up some good threads in the HL. Be sure to read those, and the Wisdom and Insights thread is right there for you to read. That was one of the ones I had linked for you.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010

MLC one of mine said it and I found out his wife was pregnant. Yeah it was sexless alright.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Aw MLC -
The answer is yes - we've all heard it. How they just put in the time because now is not a good time, her health is bad, how they can't kill the W's dream to have children, they aren't sleeping with them, on and on. Down in the Healing Library (down at the bottom of the main page) are lots of threads with what we've all heard. Sadly - A's are not unique - most of us have the same story.

YOU CAN do this another day - read, read, read. And I beg you - I know it's hard but block him. I promise you that NOT knowing what you are or aren't missing will HELP you move forward. Keep us posted today - tell us how you are feeling - you can do this - you CAN choose to let go of him and reinvest in your family and your M even.

Much love,
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