How do I....or Should I....
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| Thu, 10-14-2004 - 1:11pm |
My FI and I have been together for over 5 years. I never in my life imagined that I would cheat on him. However, it happened. At first I didn't feel guilty because I was confused on how I felt and how he felt about me. We had been dating for over 4 years before he asked me to marry him and I wasn't sure what he was feeling about our future. He was traveling a lot and the IC wasn't that great. Our communication wasn't much better. There was a MM at work that showed interest, who I thought was quite attractive and fun to be around. Anyway, one thing led to another and the IC was amazing. And it became addictive. It was exciting and daring at the same time. My relationship wasn't anymore. Then my FI asked me to marry him and I vowed to myself that I'd stop with the MM. But it was too hard, I couldn't resist him. I'd tell him no, and then I'd change my mind. He knew I was wishy washy and could work his magic. I knew he was a player, but that didn't matter to me, IC was good and the excitement was too great. Then my FI and I had the opportunity to move, and I wanted to take it, just to get away. Well, we moved and the IC stopped with MM, but the communication didn't and it still makes it difficult. My relationship with my FI has been improving and we both realize that the communication needs to be worked on and we're going to attend a pre-marriage counseling workshop (6 weeks). I feel the need to tell him what I've done just because I do love him and do want us to work. And I'm not sure if I want it to be on my conscious (sp?) forever. Although, I don't want to tell him who it was, where it was, and how many times it was. Basically I don't want to give details. Does anyone have any experience in telling their partner what they've done? Is it a good idea to tell him? I'm afraid that earning his trust back would take far too long. And I don't want to hurt him (at all). Please help....and thank you.

My best advise to you, honey, is to think really, really long and hard about marrying this man. If you cheated on him before you even got married, and were no longer thrilled with the relationship, why in the world are you thinking about spending the rest of your life with him???? I've been married 18 years, and believe me, marriage is alot of work even on a good day.
I'm sorry to be negative here, but I just wanted to add my .02. Love, Mo.
I am a little afraid that my FI might find out from someone else (my best friend's DH, although I'm not quite sure he's vindictive like that), if he calls the engagement off, then I made my mistake, and I'll have to take the consequences. I am excited about this counseling workshop we'll be taking, I think it will help us and myself learn better ways to communicate and to focus on each other. One of my friends said that she doesn't think that I'm a cheater, but if I stay with him, then I will more than likely continue to cheat. But I honestly believe it was because I didn't communicate to him that I wasn't happy with certain things. I feel that I've learned a lot about myself and relationships in the past couple months and know that I will make the right decision about marrying him or not. I do believe though, that the pre-marriage counseling workshop is something that I'd like to try and see how it can help.