How do we end it and remain friends??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
How do we end it and remain friends??
8
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 5:15pm
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gg


Edited 6/7/2005 3:36 pm ET ET by ggkali
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 7:27pm

Wow...
My situation was EXACTLY the same as yours.
Exactly.

In the end - NC...........
The look on xMM's face when he would see me at dinners, functions, Xmas parties...his face was so sad.
And on Sundays when xMM would come to pick up my H for football games........my heart was breaking.

Sometimes, all the sadness and hurt.......turns things around, and somehow the friendship you both promised would always come first and be there no matter what......disapears.
And then there is one last phone call.......and you both start not going to gatherings.

I hope you two are able to stay friends.
xMM and I still care very much for eachother......but we have to have NC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2005
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 7:37pm
When you figure it out, let me know! My story sounds a little like yours in the fact that all four of us use to be friends. Our A has ended and is out in the open, and needless to say that our foursome of friendship has dissolved. My MM and I have decided to remain friends for the time being. NC is not an option since we work together. So, we can either have NC and be miserable at work (which would make our spouses very happy) or stay friends in the work environment to avoid being miserable on a daily basis. I have to ask, you said you are wanting to end your affair, but have you? Do you plan on telling your spouses? Is this an option? I have another question for you... How do you know it is love that you both feel for each other or lust? My MM "friend" and I have been battling over this question. To try and answer your question, there really is no easy way out of this. It is very difficult trying to remain friends without falling back into the old pattern again, and it will be especially hard on you both if your spouses are unaware and you continue to act as if nothing has happened while all four of you spend time together. Why isn't NC a possibility for you? Can you end the foursome friendship?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 8:08pm
deleted gg


Edited 6/7/2005 3:38 pm ET ET by ggkali
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2005
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 9:58pm

I can relate to what you are feeling... I just made a post on here trying to make sense of all of this myself. While I love my husband deeply and it just breaks my heart everyday of what I have done to him and to us, I do think I love this OMM too.. Our connection is just so strong and it just sadens me to know that there will come a day when I will never see him again or talk to him again about anything. My husband is my best friend in terms of marriage, but he was my best friend outsided of marriage. The best friendship I have ever had and we ruined that. My salvation is that my OMM is leaving were we work in less than a year, so I know there is an end in sight (even if it is a long ways out and even if I dont want there to be an end, it is coming regardless)... You are in more of a tough situation since you are always going to be in a relationship with him through your best friend. you first need to decide to truly end the A... Then start rebuilding your marriage by applying all of the attention that you were giving this OMM towards your husband. Try limiting your contact with him outside of the times all four of you are together - limit the temptation.. I wish you lots of luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 10:20am

Ggkali,

I'm in almost the exact same situation as you. Tell me, though, how do you deal with the guilt in relation to your best friend? My MM's W is not my best friend, but she always thought I was her's. (She doesn't have any other friends.) But now, I can hardly stand to be around her because it hurts me so much to realize how badly I betrayed her and how much it would hurt her if she ever found out about her H and me. He and I have ended our A, but we're still in love with each other, and I don't think that's going to change anytime soon.

Thanks for any imput. Hang in there.

NewSummer

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 10:28am
deleted gg


Edited 6/7/2005 3:40 pm ET ET by ggkali
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 11:19am
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gg


Edited 6/7/2005 3:30 pm ET ET by ggkali
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 11:53am

Ggkali,

No, I don't think you're some kind of sicko for not feeling any guilt right now. I didn't feel much either for a long time, maybe because he and I made each other so happy. And, I knew how bad my MM's and friend's marriage was. They have no emotional connection other than the kids and sex for them is almost non-existent. She's really put him through hell, and I think knowing that helped me justify a lot. I've always hated the way she treats him. Yet, I know she expects him and her friends to be faithful to her. It's like she doesn't really want him, but she would be pretty inconsolable if she found out he'd been involved with me.

So, now I do have an incredible amount of guilt in regard to her. I'm a pretty open person, so maybe that's why this is so hard for me. I don't know.

Thanks for your response.

NewSummer