How do you deal???
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| Sun, 12-27-2009 - 12:39am |
Hello everyone
I really really need to ask... how do you deal with the feeling of rejection??? I am having such a hard time with it. I feel as though one min I was his object of affection the next Im nothing to him. I I know this because I broke NC a few days ago. Yes made contact and made new hurts. I threw myself at him. I dont know what I was thinking. He didnt eat out of the palm of my hand. What was I thinking??? Well Christmas was difficult for me All I could do was hurt. The hurt is so unbearable. I took away from my family by not being there wholly. Thing is and I know this sounds confusing but I do want out. I pray everyday for peace of mind where I dont think or feel anything for him. But inside I do want him. You see the conflicting issues I am facing. Head is saying NO heart is crying for him. I think about that woman I was before this. I was positive and content. This A sucked me DRY. I feel like a "lump on a log" LOL I know cant get any more creative with describing how I feel. I was talking to the one and only friend I could talk to about this and she scared me when she said "I am scared for you... I dont see you getting over this" I agree with her I am scared to. I am still young and I have a whole life ahead of me. All I can do is cry and I find myself sighing quite often. That is how I have been living day to day. I know that it is because he is rejecting me. I did tell him we are done and he is just saying "OK" God, I feel so silly wanting something that isnt possible. It never was ever. I just loved what he brought to the table. He was so into me. I know its all EGO. IT IS!!! I do miss our talks and his smile and his crazy sense of humor. He made me giddy. I was at my highest with him. Now I am at the extreme LOW. I do have a positive NOTE. I will stick to NC even if it kills me LOL. Really, Im am so done with this pain. PLEASE pain GO AWAY!!!!!

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Hang in there. I know it's hard. I broke NC the other day when xap called and it through the rest of my day completely off. I have to get back on track. You asked how do we deal? that's a tough question. I'm really not sure. some days I feel like a zombie or like i'm in the twilight zone, just kinda floating through and not feeling. Other days it's hard and depressing. some days it's ok and i feel decent.
I've tried to get back into my hobbies. I just gave up all those things I enjoyed b/c I was completely consumed by this A. I wanted nothing more than just to be with him. Dont get me wrong, I miss him and sometimes still wished it could have worked, but I refuse to stress out over something that cant be. It was his choice to continue in his sham of a M and decieve me. I was willing to try to share a life w/ him and he screwed it up royally and that's something he will have to live with.
As hard as it is and I know b/c I fight with the feelings and yearnings, and emotions, try to get back to the old you. I'm trying to pray and read books for building up my self-esteem, which wasnt that much to begin with. I try to push him from my mind when lingering memories and good times try to force themselves on me like a tidal wave.
It is so hard :( I think you nailed it when you said "twilight zone" that is EXACTLY how I feel. I have days where I dont want to get out of bed. Sometimes I will just sleep to not think. AWFUL I know. I dont think it is depression (clinical) that is. It is circumstantial and I had spoken to a doctor. All he prescribed were relaxers. He just said when I feel the anxiety come on to take a pill before bed. Now I am not pro medication so I wont take them. You made a great point on getting back to hobbies. I was athletic. WAS that is.. now I can barely get out of my bed and when I do I am just there. Just Body. I really loved this man. I was just a warm body to him. Oh well.. I dont know anymore what is real and what is not. Not sure if you have read other posts i have made but he has a new love interest now :( it is killing me. HA... he has someone at home with kids and it is killing me that he has another OW go figure that one out. I am so messed up.
You are right some days could be better than others. So maybe there is a glimmer of hope if I can have a couple of good days. Thanks for being there and anytime you need to talk Im here. You guys have been so great and I really do hope to share some success stories :) Just like the post I read here the other day.. things do get better. Breath of fresh air it was to read that.
Honey,
You are grieving the loss of this relationship so it's understandable that you feel
~Iddy~
I agree with Iddy, you have to go through the stages to come out the other side.
Here's one for you Ms. Athlete, "No pain, no gain".
Rejection?
I hope you are feeling better today.
I believe,
use your screen name is your motivation, you have to dig deep, even when its hard, u have to dig deeper. I am a little farther a long than you. I am a newbie and just 3 weeks NC. i have been thru many highs and lows....some real lows, so happens yesterday and today i am good. But I have gone thru everything you have. The rejection...and even a new OW. He has several. They even call and attack me with his blessing, not knowing he is M. But regardless, I did not break NC. I just let them have there kicks, Sure it hurt. Hurt bad, this new OW knew all kinds of deep personal information about me that he had clearly armed her with. I did not even know I was in a A...but even after I did, I lingered a bit and saw myself being reduced. And I ended it soon after.
I had no idea what was real or what was not. I thought I was in a real relationship, ready to have this mans baby. Then he rejects me as soon as I am no longer a threat to his happy family union...a threat to his new OW. He ripped me apart in so many ways....all in the guise of love and wishing he could be with me.
He has not fished...first week, I obsessed about him fishing, did not focus on me, second week, I thought about what was real and what was not.., realized it did not matter, if he broke NC it did not matter, it was not going to change a thing.....this last week with the exception of Xmas night I been doing so well.....telling myself this is his loss in so many ways......I am bright and beautiful...have so much to offer. He is miserable and will continue to be long after I am not. I hurt too, so by no means am I saying u will be where i am at, everyone heals at their own pace, just saying that once you start focus on you and stop wondering about him and what he is doing and thinking, you will see that does get a better....happens at bits at a time. I think about him, but I think about him less today than I did a week ago. I actually am good today, real good.
Rejection sucks...n hurts, but its the best thing he ever did for you....hard to see that now, but you will. I know I am better off. I know he is not for me. I know there is no life with him, no matter how much he told me there would be. And that is why who, what, where or what he is doing is simply meaningless in my world.
its kind of like what with Clarity said, you have to take the power back, he should have never had it, take it back and keep it, hold on to it for dear life....no one should ever have it but you.
I suggest you run, walk, whatever it takes to get you out of that bed and get going...get back to you. I am sure you used to smile and have something to smile about....everyone is good at something. ind yourself again and reintroduce her to the world...her and all your new friends here.
I am here if you need me.....
I can't beleive how many people on this board are currently mimicing the exact emotions I'm feeling. Its amazing how A's leave you feelng like you are the ONLY person in the world feeling this... because how many other people could POSSIBLY be as aweful as I am, having had an A to begin with?
I believe...
Wouldn't it be nice if you could just magically fall asleep and wake up about 6 months from now and not give a rat's a$$ whether xAP loved you and wanted you or not?!
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