How do you do it?
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How do you do it?
| Wed, 01-14-2004 - 8:21pm |
New here and wondering how you do it. My New Years Resolution was to end email contact with a MM I have known for years. Nothing physical ever transpired, we talked about it and had fun with the excitement of possibly taking it to another level but never did. After reading others stories, I should be thankful we didn't. I am sure I am like others on this site: daily contact, fun emails, etc. I know what I was feeling since I have had this unending attraction since the first time I met him. I am just trying to understand what was his motivation for contact with me could have been. Any Ideas??? Not all MM cheat because he wouldn't go there. However, it always appeared that he longed to hear from me. He tried to email me (in the past I always sent jokes first) after Jan. 1st and I told him that wasn't fair and he could not tempt me. That was it...he went away. On day 14 with NC and is stinks!

Sounds harmless enough except that all of us here probably started out that way! You've read enough posts to figure that part out so you're smarter than 90% of us to see where this was headed before IT happened.
Not all MMs cheat, that's true. But most of us didn't PLAN to get in so deep. I thought, we'll be friends & flirt & email & just do lunch. One thing just led to another and before I knew it, three years flew by -- until I started reading the posts here and trying to find my way OUT.
I'm a smart, good-hearted, busy person with friends and family who love me and wonderful children. HOW did this happen to me? Well, it happened so I SALUTE you for being too smart to just "let it happen"
How do you do it? Take a hard look at your life. There's a big fat hole in it that MM fit quite nicely into. Make your life what you want it to be without needing the attention and "strokes" you were getting from your contact with MM.
I started spending more time with friends, working out in the gym (girl, I got SO buff in the 6 mos. after I ended the affair), working harder at my job. I never neglected my kids for MM but I made myself do more fun stuff with them -- active stuff, adventures.
I MADE myself start dating. I met really sweet guys on the internet of all places, using safe "date" techniques of course. Nobody struck a chord with me but I got out there. Finally I had a date with a divorced dad at my kids' school & WOW. We've been dating almost a year now.
I can honestly say, though I wish I'd gotten out much sooner, the affair did force me to take a hard look at my life and figure out what was wrong with it & start working on fixing it. This is honestly the very happiest time of my life.
Good luck -- go find your happiness!!
YOU GO GIRL!!!!
Gotfu2...Hang in there g/f....yours ended just in time!
You are definitely a fool no more! You described it exactly as it is! Congratulations to you, and wish you the best with your new UNmarried man! ;-)
I just started to exercise for a few weeks, I think in no time, I'll catch up with you. I told myself I'll follow some examples from this board, and one thing was to exercise him away. You and many others have been inspiring!
Now, I've tried NC last week, reset in 4 days, but I'm resetting to day 1 now. I'm feeling great, and your post really hits it home. It happens exactly as you described it, but it's been hard, and with the statistic that A lasts 2-4 years on average, I'm not even sure if I'm going to reset NC again?! If I break NC, I don't dare see you guys anymore, maybe until I hit the 2 years mark! Please, don't let that happen to me!!! Wish me luck, and keep posting your good news!
Thanks for your post!
Edited 1/15/2004 12:34:41 AM ET by smiley_ivy
1) Do they experience the same seperation anxiety(afterall they are human too)?
2) Is this just us being weak women (I can't believe that)?
3) "WE HAVE A BIG HOLE IN OUR LIFE" Does it mean they have a big hole as well since they were equally involved?
You are right....it was OH SO FUN!
are we just weak women?....i've wondered things like that myself.....but weak about what?.....weak to be involved with them, or weak to have such difficulty getting over them?....i'm not sure which you're asking.....
i think that all of us have gotten involved in these affairs at times in our lives when we so intensely craved a connection with someone, love, affection, friendship, attention....is that a weakness?....i guess it can be called that.....does it mean we're weak women?....i don't think so.....truthfully, weak women wouldn't be here on this board trying to deal with the issues and work things out and move on with their lives.....what we're all doing is a sign of strength and the ability to look at our lives honestly and do the work to improve ourselves and our lives.....i can't imagine that anyone is "strong" their entire lives.....we all go through stages and phases, and we evolve and grow at different times, through different experiences.....i do think many of us have an issue with craving connection and intimacy, sort of a hunger for attachment.....and i've thought so much about why i'm like that....i know that there are people who don't crave that as intensely, and these are the people that you see looking fairly content with life...i know people like that, and i've wished i were that way, but i think i've got to deal with who i am...i'm not them.......i need to deal with why i need that connection with someone, and begin to do the work to make my life more fulfilling with or without someone to be connected to.......
as far as whether or not they have a big hole that they're trying to fill as well....i have to say absolutely yes......i believe that this is absolutely the truth.....and i've sadly met so many married men and women who express this same emptiness......
i think ultimately our goal should be to be OK on our own, not to be forever waiting for that special someone who is going to bring the happiness and joy into our lives that we all deserve......i think the trick is to find the happiness and joy first, and then if we're lucky enough to find someone to share it with, then it's just icing on the cake......easier said than done, i know....but it's something to strive for.......ada