How do you grieve?
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How do you grieve?
| Wed, 04-21-2004 - 4:54pm |
I've been playing around with this issue in my head for the last few weeks. How do you grieve the end of an A? It's not the sort of thing you can actually talk to people about. I don't know about any of you, but I didn't have any closure, just kind of walked away one day. I can't bring myself to get teary about it at home in front of DH because he doesn't need that. I don't know what to do with all these emotions!!!!
I know from past losses that if you don't fully grieve, it will come back to haunt you and you may never fully recover. I just don't know where to PUT these feelings! I've tried journaling but am afraid to put anything on paper because I have very little privacy in my home (two kids, people always in and out of my bedroom, including H). There are some songs that remind me of him; I've thought about buying those cds and just listening to them and crying it all out. I don't know. Does anyone have any thoughts on how to grieve this loss???
Thanks for sharing whatever has worked for you. Love, Maureen


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I feel the same way..that I will carry this with me forever. He broke it off at one point almost 6 months ago and I began counseling but the pain never really seemed to get better. I just sort of stuffed it and pretended. Then 2 months later he emailed me and we began talking again. We were best friends for almost 2 years...sharing things with each other that we could not share with others. he could not share things with his W because she is so closed off from him in every way and I basically have no support system so it was the 2 of us against the world. And then our worlds fell apart. I betrayed him horribly without meaning to and now he will not speak to me and I do not know how to begin the grieving process at all. I have one friend who sort of knew what was going on andtried to talk to her but she has nothing but bad things to say about him and I won't listen to that. He is a good man going through a rough time and I am the one who screwed up the friendship that we had. I have tried all the usual methods of going on. Keeping myself busy....working out...volunteering...I have emailed him begging him to forgive me. ..nothing works and I am heartbroken. How do you go on?
It has helped immensely.
I know it sounds very simplistic but for those who are religious it works if you truly believe.
PG
Just know that you aren't the first woman to go through this, and you are going to be okay.
Jazzdiva
Puggy
Jazzdiva
How are you supposed to grieve? You probably should tell yourself all the reasons why the relationship is wrong and unhealthy. You probably should visualize the relationship you should be in and compare to see this one's faults. You should be gentle with yourself and know that you deserve better. You should want better for yourself and convince yourself that you deserve it. As for me, I am still at the crying phase. I am also at the self-pity stage- I love with my whole being- this is not at all fair. I feel like a big open wound. I can't believe this relationship that really only amounted to lunches at work and sustained me through a break up is over. I can't believe it is finally over. Sad hours seem long...
Snap.
It doesn't matter if it was just lunches or a full blown relationship like mine was, it still hurts because he filled something inside you that you needed and gave you comfort, so of course you will grieve.
When I posted before about journal writing, it is just ONE method of helping in the grieving process and yes it is a process that has 5 stages ( 1: Denial 2: Anger 3: Bargaining 4:Depression and 5: Acceptance ). The stages do not always go in order and sometimes a person may go back and forth through the stages until one finds acceptance and can move on without it hurting as much as it did in the beginning. There is no time limit and taking care of yourself is of the utmost importance.
Whatever finds comfort for you then do it. Just don't indulge in destructive behaviors that will make you feel worse than you already do. I have been away in NY for 3 days and when I checked my email there was a message from my MM and all I wanted to do was read it, BUT I didn't because then I know I would write back. I feel lonely, sad, empty and emotionally spent. I am officially divorced now and I am at the point that the only person I have time for is myself and I can't see myself giving to any man right now, just me.
I know I'm babbling and I thank you for listening to me, I just hope you are gentle with yourself and take one day and one thing at a time. I'm glad there is a place like this board to go to, I don't feel so alone anymore.
MidnightBlue
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